tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-57139239832634255572024-03-13T05:17:45.693-07:00My Career Intuition: A Journey of Self-DiscoveryThis blog is intended to share my personal and career development journey so that others interested in self improvement or on their own personal journeys may benefit from my experiences.
In this blog, I will do my best to give updates and reflections regarding my adventures and share useful resources that I encounter which my be beneficial to others as well!
Keywords: Personal Growth, Intuition, Biodanza, Yoga, Dharma, Choices, Life LessonsAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05640216604711387118noreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5713923983263425557.post-81177091335081994912015-05-02T08:00:00.000-07:002015-05-02T08:00:00.880-07:00On Preparing for the Biggest Transition of My Life<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<i>Here is a post that I wrote a week and a half ago (4/22/15) – grateful I finally have the chance to publish it before the birth of our little one - which is still impending!</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HxYbmYo0I9Q/VURuImza9fI/AAAAAAAAFqU/YDvh-8kowaw/s1600/2015-04-24_10-47-53.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HxYbmYo0I9Q/VURuImza9fI/AAAAAAAAFqU/YDvh-8kowaw/s1600/2015-04-24_10-47-53.jpg" height="200" width="133" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me at 37 weeks!</td></tr>
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<b>So for those of you who may not know….the big news is I am
pregnant – finally – 38 weeks pregnant to be exact!</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am very excited about this turn of events
and have been luckily having an enjoyable and eventful pregnancy thus far.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Today marks the day that I enter into my
birth month as sometime in the next four weeks I should have this baby if all
goes well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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As I prepare for labor and childbirth and the gigantic,
never-ending task of parenthood that comes after, I find myself really thinking
about how much my life is about to change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><b>I truly believe that this is the biggest transition and life change that
anyone could ever go through, except (as my husband reminded me) for death.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b>Once I have this baby, it will never again
be all about me.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I may never again feel
comfortable turning off my cell phone and completely checking out from the
world unless I have secured reliable care for my little one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As my cousin-in-law Michelle put it in a
recent message to me, “Soon things will never be the same…they will be more
hectic, more trying, and BETTER even if it doesn’t seem like it in the moment.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Of course, as those of you who have been reading my blog for
a while are aware, I have been wanting to be a mom for a very long time, practically as long as I can remember. </b> As I’ve watched this baby grow inside me (he/she was just visible moving
around in my tummy), I am in awe of what our bodies are capable of – at no time
have I ever been so connected to my mammalian roots. As much I am tempted to think my way through
all of this, it is the animal part of me that knows how to birth this baby and
the animal part of me that knows how to nurse and take care of it. <b> I am honored to carry this baby and to be so
close a witness and participant to this miracle. </b></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-x1R_gA8rAZk/VURveimOLQI/AAAAAAAAFrE/d0czrg0LpAI/s1600/2015-04-24_10-48-40.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-x1R_gA8rAZk/VURveimOLQI/AAAAAAAAFrE/d0czrg0LpAI/s1600/2015-04-24_10-48-40.jpg" height="133" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I've got big shoes to fill!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<b>Still, there is definitely a part of me hanging on to the
familiar and comfortable, a part of me that is not quite ready to let go of the
status quo, a part of me that is not ready to let go of life as I currently
know it.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Right now, I live in a world
where I get up leisurely, plan out my free time however I want it (for the most
part), and generally put my needs first.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If I’m hungry, I grab something to eat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If I’m tired, I get some sleep as soon as I can.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I feel like coming home and reading a
book or listening to music on a Friday night, I do it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am often able to do nourishing things like
go to yoga or massage or acupuncture or dance classes, and as I near the end of
those things, I ponder what other relaxing things I’d like to do with the rest
of my day or evening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course, I too
have to pay bills and go to work and do chores like everyone else, but for the
most part, I live a pampered, easy life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>That pampered, easy life is going to vanish in an instant
sometime in the next hours or days or weeks.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b>
</span>Soon, I’ll be lucky if I even get a spare moment to go the bathroom, eat
a quick snack, or grab a thirty-minute nap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’ll go through a mysterious, challenging, transformative birth and then
launch into weeks and weeks and years of care for this helpless little being
who will need me every moment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll do
the best I can and give as much as I can and then give even more beyond
that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll encounter depths of tiredness
that I never even thought possible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’ll deal with more pee and poop and spit up and fluids than I ever
thought possible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-7L62jiC5svk/VURyEnIqgTI/AAAAAAAAFrQ/2IC0whfgbmo/s1600/8%2Bseasons%2Bof%2Bparenthood.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-7L62jiC5svk/VURyEnIqgTI/AAAAAAAAFrQ/2IC0whfgbmo/s1600/8%2Bseasons%2Bof%2Bparenthood.jpeg" height="200" width="139" /></a></div>
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This book I read a
long time ago by Barbara C. Unell called <a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Seasons-Parenthood-Constantly-Identities/dp/0812930851/ref=as_sl_pc_qf_sp_asin_til?tag=mycainblsfgim-20&linkCode=w00&linkId=3YQG6CKUMZQVUHAT&creativeASIN=0812930851" target="_blank">The Eight Seasons of Parenthood</a> names the newborn / baby
phase the Sponge phase because you are wrung out and constantly dealing with
fluids and mess while<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> “surrendering
your former identity to the essentials of caring for a baby.”</span></span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt;"> </span>Coincidentally, she calls the pregnancy phase the celebrity
phase as you "go through the self-absorption of impending parenthood." Basically you go from being Cinderella at the
ball to Cinderella the household maid – a giant change in status in a very short amount of time.</div>
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That brings up a whole other aspect as well. <b>Not only have I gotten accustomed to being a
pampered adult focused on my own needs, I have also gotten used to being a
pregnant woman at this point.</b>
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<!--StartFragment--><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">As a pregnant woman, you get to be the center of
attention often, get to go to prenatal yoga and meetups and classes, and get to
join this transitory clique of pregnant women. </span><!--EndFragment--> </span>With any luck, I’ll
get to continue growing relationships with some of these women “on the other
side” and get to know their babies as well, but we will see. Pregnancy is a window into a whole other
aspect of society that you don’t get to experience at any other time in your
life.</div>
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<b>At this point, I feel like I’m right at the transition.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A lot of the women that I’ve met along the
way are now gone from the pregnant circles, and if I’m lucky, I’ve received an announcement or text from them sharing the great news of their baby’s arrival. I’ve received several cute photos of women
and their partners and the miraculous little ones that emerged from the bellies
that I got to know these past few months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Now a lot of the women at these pregnancy events are earlier on in their
pregnancy journey and I’m one of the “senior” or “queen” mamas sharing advice
and tips of the trade.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It truly seems
surreal to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is a part of me
that can’t quite grasp how these women I got to know as pregnant now have these
cute little ones that came out of them and are now knee deep in the unknown
that is early parenthood.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>Right now, I just can’t quite get it into my brain that this
belly that I am carrying is going to go away and the squirmy little creature
inside of me is going to come out of my baby and completely rock my world very
soon – any hour, any day, any week, now.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I am basically on alert for the next few weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When my time comes, I will go through whatever
labor experience is in store for me and transform through whatever that entails.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The being that is Kimberly the married, young
adult will disappear forever and become Kimberly the mom, a completely new
incarnation of myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The next phase
of my life will begin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The world that I
inhabit will shift.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Am I ready?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope so – I’m not sure you can ever truly
be ready.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HBBKPe38KVw/VURuf6OxQkI/AAAAAAAAFqs/ojObJHcZqSg/s1600/2015-04-24_08-47-12.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HBBKPe38KVw/VURuf6OxQkI/AAAAAAAAFqs/ojObJHcZqSg/s1600/2015-04-24_08-47-12.jpg" height="200" width="133" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nervous and Excited!</td></tr>
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<b>While I am naturally apprehensive, I look forward to filling
up the pages of this new chapter and seeing who me and my baby become –
together we will embark in a new world and on a new adventure together.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>I look forward to experiencing the rest that
life has to offer and to loving this little one inside me on the outside with
all of my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Stay tuned for more tales “from the other side” once the
initial storm subsides.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can also
follow photos and updates re: our little one at
littlecowan15.shutterfly.com.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thanks
for your support and well wishes!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>Photos courtesy of my neighbor and friend Sherrie Ladegast!</i><br />
<br />
<br />
I've had this song from my Biodanza class in my head lately - "Adiumus" by Karl Jenkins. Apparently, it is also connected with the movie Avatar which I was fond of a few years ago. For me, it brings up themes of bravery, courage, leaping forward, and solidarity with others.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05640216604711387118noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5713923983263425557.post-91788710198313907982014-08-08T19:17:00.000-07:002014-08-08T19:17:17.880-07:00What's The ONE Thing You Can Do Today to Achieve Success?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="http://www.naspa.org/lib/images/logos/logo-naspa.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.naspa.org/lib/images/logos/logo-naspa.png" height="117" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My writing was featured this past week on the <b><a href="http://www.naspa.org/constituent-groups/posts/whats-the-one-thing-you-can-do-today-to-achieve-success" target="_blank">NASPA (Student Affairs Administrators in Higher Education) website - check out my blog post</a> on their site!</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My post discusses highlights from the book <a href="http://amzn.to/WRFsgj" target="_blank"><b>The ONE Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results</b></a> - an excellent book that has helped me to be more productive this summer!</span><br />
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<a href="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTOU48W0HVO2UgZw8tygioE96mdZ1h2M1U1VAmocRwUrGDRLFKEKOf60rgl" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTOU48W0HVO2UgZw8tygioE96mdZ1h2M1U1VAmocRwUrGDRLFKEKOf60rgl" width="136" /></a></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05640216604711387118noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5713923983263425557.post-46605485003377920402014-07-12T10:00:00.000-07:002014-07-15T11:57:18.541-07:00On Letting Go Vs. Staying the Course – How to Balance the Two?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Lately the theme of letting go and dealing with change and uncertainty
has come up for me again</b>. </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is not
the first time that I have dealt with this theme in my life and in this blog,
and I doubt that it will be the last.</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">According to Pema Chodron in her classic book, <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1570623449?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=1570623449&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">When Things Fall Apart</a></i>,
Impermanence (the Buddhist word for the endless stream of beginnings and
endings in life) is one of the three key jewels of human experience.</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I must admit that there is something magical about life’s continual evolution;
however, I don’t let go of things easily, I don’t initially adapt easily, and I
hate saying goodbye or giving up on a dream.</b>
When I decide to commit to
something, whether it’s something big like having a baby or something small like
a weekly Biodanza class, I commit fully and give 110%. Some would say that is a virtue. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Yet, if we cling too tightly to the familiar, we don't leave room for growth and change.</b> Luckily, life doesn't always sit and wait for us to let go. Sometimes it forces change upon us. In those moments, <b>when life (or God) forces us to let go of one dream and close one door, it allows room for another one to open.</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Elizabeth Kubler-Ross is well known for her <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0743266293?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=0743266293&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">theory of the grieving process</a> – which is most applicable for men, women, and children who have lost
a loved one or are experiencing a terminal illness but is also
applicable to other situations which call us to let go or accept unpleasant
realities. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0743266293?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=0743266293&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Kubler-Ross model</a> states that there are 5 key stages of grief or loss </b>which
often come in order but don’t necessarily have to – it is also perfectly normal
for a grieving person to alternate between the 5 stages:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Denial</b> – pretending that the loss isn’t really happening; ignoring the
change that is coming or has already come.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Anger</b> – feeling frustration that the loss has come to them; having angry feelings directed at oneself, at
others, at God, at the situation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Bargaining</b> – the hope that one can somehow fend off the loss or grief by negotiating, giving something up, making an extra effort, or making a
deal with a higher power.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Depression</b> – starting to accept that the loss is coming or has come but
feeling great sadness and a heavy heart about it; feeling the urge to withdraw,
give up, or not go on any longer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Acceptance</b> – feeling a sense of calm and peace; acknowledging that the
loss has happened or is going to happen but life is going to be okay.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>While I have been lucky enough to avoid experiencing a major loss of a
loved one or major illness thus far, I have noticed myself go through these stages while experiencing the ups and downs of life</b>.
I seem to have the most difficulty accepting my feelings of anger and
sadness. Instead, I spend a lot of
energy in my life denying that change is coming and doing everything in my
power (bargaining) to plan ahead and try to fend away disappointment. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For a while, my extra effort and planning seems to work
and I am lucky enough to maintain a pleasant existence and cruise
through life. Life stabilizes, and I become more confident that I can control my destiny. But then, just when I least expect it, changes come up, and I
am humbled. Life is full of examples. For instance, I can make every effort to
plan lunch with someone weeks in advance, but if they are sick or have a
change in schedule on the day of, the plans fall through. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>In <u><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00K2Q5U02?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B00K2Q5U02&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank"><i>Sleeping Beauty</i></a></u>, every effort is made by Princess Aurora’s family
and supporters to </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><a href="http://www.soundonsight.org/wp-content/themes/arts-culture-new/timthumb.php?src=http://www.soundonsight.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Sleeping-Beauty-Aurora-and-Maleficent.jpg&q=90&w=630&zc=1" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.soundonsight.org/wp-content/themes/arts-culture-new/timthumb.php?src=http://www.soundonsight.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Sleeping-Beauty-Aurora-and-Maleficent.jpg&q=90&w=630&zc=1" height="132" width="200" /></a></b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>help her avoid Maleficent’s proclamation that she will prick
her finger on a spinning wheel and fall into eternal sleep</b>. The kingdom's leaders had all spinning wheels
destroyed; the family had Aurora raised as a peasant by three fairies in the
wood; and Aurora was watched over closely for many years. <b>Still, it was not enough</b> – as the princess
snuck back into the kingdom on her sixteenth birthday, Maleficent created a
spinning wheel and led Aurora to prick her finger on it just in the knick of time.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Life is like that sometime. You
do everything in your power to make something happen, and it doesn’t
happen. Or, you do everything in your
power to prevent something from happening and it happens anyway. </b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So what is one to do? Give up or
fight?</b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I’ve been reading several books lately about worlds very different from
my own which provide perspective on this question. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In Octavia Butler's book <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0807083690?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=0807083690&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Kindred</a></i>, the main protagonist, Dana, is called
from modern day California back to antebellum Maryland and forced to work as a
slave while she interacts with two of her great-great ancestors, one black and
one white, who need to survive, connect, and procreate in order to produce her
family line. <b>One of the key themes
brought up in <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0807083690?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=0807083690&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Kindred</a></i> is whether the slaves in the book should refuse to
accept their lot and run for freedom or accept their lot and do their work on
the plantation.</b> At first, it seems that
running away is the obvious choice, but after Dana sees runaway slaves brought
back half-dead, beaten, and bitten (and after she runs away and is
caught herself), she starts to understand
why accepting the status quo might be the safest choice for now – and
why both choices require great courage and strength.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In Xinran's book </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0307388530?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=0307388530&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;" target="_blank"><i>China Witness</i></a><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, the author, a journalist, interviews
numerous elderly men and</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">women throughout China who have experienced the
dramatic changes in China from the</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Japanese war through Liberation, the
Cultural Revolution, and Reform Through Opening. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://bookcoverarchive.com/images/books/china_witness.large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://bookcoverarchive.com/images/books/china_witness.large.jpg" height="200" width="131" /></a></span></div>
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Many of these interviewees were devoted to
improving China or their lives, but experienced great personal hardship. There is one story of a man in his seventies
who is almost singlehandedly working to keep lantern making
alive in his area of China. There is another story of a shoe mender, whose dreams of attending university were
dashed because her family was considered to have a “bad family background” due
to a paperwork error that was not properly corrected. That shoe mender went through the stages of
grief and finally decided to make it her life’s work to put her children
through university and graduate school by living a life without basic comforts
and saving every dollar of her shoe mending proceeds for tuition money. <b>The courageous men and women featured in <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0307388530?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=0307388530&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">China Witness</a></i> devoted their lives, relationships with their children, and every comfort in order to fight for what they believe in.</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As I reflect on the many stories of great courage that I have read
lately, I find myself wondering – <b>how does one balance these two different
energies</b> – of fighting hard for what you want or a cause that you believe in
and of letting go and accepting what life brings you? <b>Is persistence and determination a
virtue? Or, it is it just a sign that
you are stubborn and unwilling to change?
</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The world needs people who will commit to groups and causes and stick
with them – otherwise there would be no consistency or stability in life. I believe that loyalty and faithfulness are
virtues. Staying in one place can be a
positive choice. But, if you are
standing still and everyone else is moving around you, eventually your space or your group is
going to change anyway – there is nothing you can do to prevent that from
happening. When the winds of change
start to blow, how quickly do you welcome them in?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Anyone who has been trying to conceive for more than a few months will
soon be inundated by well-intentioned stories of people who finally had a baby
once they stopped trying to do so. </b> There are many varieties on this theme. Some planned a long vacation; some stopped fertility treatment; some took a break before moving on to the next phase of fertility treatment; some started
adoption proceedings; some gave up the dream of having a child altogether. <b>Having been trying for more than a year now,
I am well familiar with these stories and this encouragement to “Let Go.”</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I believe that there is some truth to these stories and that the
concept is a good one. But, what does
that look for me?</b> Our fertility doctors
say that I do not ovulate on my own, so every cycle I need to manage several medications over the course of my cycle. Also, science and my doctors say hat there is a peak fertility
time during the month to get pregnant, so I dutifully take my temperature every
morning and faithfully time intercourse during the right times. So....given all of those constraints, what does letting go look like for me?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Deep in my heart, I feel that I am meant to be a mother. When I think of forty or fifty</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><a href="https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSvuw4WCBmckRyCwrezoz7b0skl1f-t7KFsdLXUJQZd4cC6xouC2g" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSvuw4WCBmckRyCwrezoz7b0skl1f-t7KFsdLXUJQZd4cC6xouC2g" width="165" /></a></b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b> years ahead of
me having never raised a child, I find myself unwilling to accept that
possibility</b>. I know that my husband
would be alright with that, but that is not a life that I want to live. Our doctors say that there are many more
things that we can try and that we are only in the early stages of our
fertility journey. There is also the road to
adoption available as an option. <b>So giving up on trying to have a baby doesn't seem like the right approach to me - at the very least, it seems like a premature approach.</b><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Lately, I’ve revisited the No Doubt song, “<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00391RCZI?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B00391RCZI&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Simple Kind of Life</a>,”
partially written and sung by Gwen Stefani when she was about my age</b>. She says:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I always thought I'd be a mom<br />
Sometimes I wish for a mistake<br />
The longer that I wait the more selfish that I get<br />
You seem like you'd be a good dad<br />
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Now all those simple things are simply too complicated for my life<br />
How'd I get so faithful to my freedom?<br />
A selfish kind of life<br />
When all I ever wanted was the simple things<br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00391RCZI?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B00391RCZI&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">A simple kind of life</a><br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>When I listen to the song, I hear the same longing in her voice that I
feel in my heart</b>. In her words, I hear
her doubts and her desires about embarking on the very difficult journey of
parenthood. <b>Yet, I am encouraged
because the song was written over ten years ago and Gwen now has a loving
husband and three lovely children</b>. Unlike
in my own life, I can fast forward into the future and know that ultimately her
dream came through several years later.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>If I could trust that God (or an angel out there) is looking out for me
and that I will become a mom someday, would that allow me to let go and enjoy
the last of these lovely unencumbered, newlywed days that I am experiencing
now? </b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I recently read a book about adoption titled, <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0399168788?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=0399168788&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Carried in Our Hearts: The Gift of Adoption</a> </i>by Dr. Jane
Aronson. The book contains numerous
stories about families and their paths to adoption – from the moments that they
decided to do so to the moments that they welcomed their new children into
their lives. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>A running theme in the book is the idea that for each parent, the child
that ultimately came into their lives was meant to be theirs all along</b>. In fact, some would say that the child chose
that family when it came into this world.
<b>There is a quote from the book (p. 241) that says, “<i>When the time is
right and the children are ready, it will all fall into place and not before</i>.” </b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Another mom, Sarah Edwards-Schmidt, reflects (p. 65), “…<i>we have little
control in life, other than in the way we choose to go about tackling
problems. It is the grace and good humor
we can bring to the process that saves us</i>.”</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I know deep down that I must make peace with uncertainty and learn to
relax and let go</b>. While I know I am
experiencing legitimate hormonal challenges, many of those challenges can be
improved through stress reduction. Also,
whenever I do get pregnant, that is the just the beginning of a long path
fraught with much uncertainty. Risk of miscarriage,
stillbirth, birth defects, medical problems, accidents, financial problems – you
name it, parents experience numerous ups and downs throughout the course of
their pregnancies and children’s lives. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>If I want to be the kind of parent that I would like to be, I need to
learn to relax and roll with my continually unfolding life. </b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1885167776?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=1885167776&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">The One Thing</a></i>, by Gary Keller and
Jay Papasan, the </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://vancouver-wa-realestate.com/image_store/uploads/8/3/9/1/0/ar136064600701938.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://vancouver-wa-realestate.com/image_store/uploads/8/3/9/1/0/ar136064600701938.jpg" height="200" width="125" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">authors encourage readers to continually ask themselves, “<b>What
is <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1885167776?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=1885167776&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">the One Thing</a> I can do such that by doing it everything else will be easier
or unnecessary</b>?" They assert that by
steadily focusing on that one thing, you can set up a domino effect of actions
that will eventually lead you to your dreams.
<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So…what is the One Thing I can do right now to help me achieve my
dreams of becoming a mom, raising a family, becoming the most self-actualized
person I can be, and experiencing all the life has to offer? <b>What is the one part of the equation that I
do have control over in this maze of uncertainty?</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The way I see it, the one thing I can do right now is <u>RELAX </u>and learn to embrace
uncertainty with faith and trust.</b> Not
as easy task for me, but very worthwhile.
If I keep working on relaxing and am able to achieve success, the
benefits could be lifelong. So, consider
that my new quest! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In the meantime, here is a video of the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00391RCZI?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B00391RCZI&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Simple Kind of Life</a> song in case you are interested – may you all have a relaxing rest
of your day or night!</span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05640216604711387118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5713923983263425557.post-38644874545831607282014-05-09T17:29:00.000-07:002018-05-10T09:13:10.621-07:00On Reaching for My Ultimate Dream and Honoring Mothers<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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The other night in Biodanza class, our facilitator led us in
a vivencia of breaking down walls (figuratively) to <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00136Q338?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B00136Q338&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank"><b>“Reach” by Gloria Estefan</b></a>. The song came out around the
1996 Olympics to honor the athletes who had spent their whole lives training
for that very moment – to compete in the games and fulfill their dreams. Among the many powerful lyrics, Gloria
sings:<br />
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“Some dreams live on
in time forever<br />
Those dreams, you want with all <o:p></o:p></div>
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Your heart<br />
<br />
And I'll do whatever it takes<br />
Follow through with the promise I made<br />
Put it all on the line<br />
What I hoped for at last would be mine<br />
<br />
If I could reach, higher<br />
Just for one moment touch the sky<br />
From that one moment<br />
In my life<br />
I'm gonna be stronger<br />
Know that I've tried my<br />
Very best<br />
I'd put my spirit to the test<br />
If I could reach”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>I too have a dream, and I was listening to the song and throwing myself
into the dance I found myself really motivated by her words.</b> In my work as an Academic Success Coach, I
deal in dreams every day – my life’s work is dedicated to helping students
discover their dreams and achieve them.
My life is dedicated to helping students break down whatever walls or
obstacles are in their way so that they can go out into the world and make it a
better place.<o:p></o:p></div>
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In Sheryl Sandberg’s book, <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0385349947?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=0385349947&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank"><b>Lean In</b></a></i>, she aims to fire up a new
generation of women leaders by asking, “What would you do if you were not afraid?” I often ask my students this very same question. Answering this question helped me years ago to transition from a cushy corporate job to serving students in higher education. <b>But lately there is something bigger
calling to me – my ultimate bucket list item.
My ultimate vision quest. My
ultimate feat of bravery</b>. Something
that frightens me to the core but from which I cannot turn away.<br />
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The past few months, I’ve
been reading a lot of books that deal with courage and vulnerability and
determination. I too feel like I am
training for my own personal marathon – or for a long-distance hike like the
one my new guru, Cheryl Strayed did and wrote about in her critically acclaimed
memoir, <b><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005IQZB14?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B005IQZB14&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank"><i>Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail</i></a></b>.<o:p></o:p></div>
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In <i><b><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1592407331?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=1592407331&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Daring Greatly</a></b></i>, Brene Brown (p. 1) encourages us to stop standing
in the sidelines and get in the ring.
She reminds us of Theodore Roosevelt’s words:<o:p></o:p></div>
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“It is not the
critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or
where the doer of deeds could have done them better.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The
credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, who face is marred by
dust and sweat and blood: who strives valiantly…who at the best knows in the
end the triumph of high achievement, and who at worst, if he fails, at least
fails while <b>daring greatly</b>.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>So…what is it that I want to do?
What is my ultimate dream?</b>
To climb Mt. Everest? To
backpack through Africa? To sacrifice
everything for my art? These are all
noble dreams, but none is as important to me as this:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>I want to become a mom</b>.</span> I
want to bring a new human being into the world and nurture it and care for it and support it through its journey into adulthood<b>.</b> If I’m lucky, I’d like to
bring two new human beings into the world and shape them and my husband into a
family. That may not sound like a big
deal, but to me that is huge – that is one big, hairy audacious goal.<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ALSlSw_aWRo/Tqxn3wL-RJI/AAAAAAAAAFM/b8Q27VHF4AM/s1600/NACADA+Collage+2.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ALSlSw_aWRo/Tqxn3wL-RJI/AAAAAAAAAFM/b8Q27VHF4AM/s1600/NACADA+Collage+2.png" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My Vision Board</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>My husband and I have been
trying to have kids for a year and it has not happened yet.</b> Some days I think that it will never happen
and some days I think our time is right around the corner. Only God knows that answer to that. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>As more time passes, my
desire and fear grow neck and neck</b>. The
sleep deprivation factor scares me; the never-ending nature of parenthood
scares me; the heart-wrenching emotional exhaustion scare me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Yet, I am fascinated by
parenting and kids and human development</b>.
When I’m around a baby or little kid, I can’t keep my eyes off of him or
her. I love to play with my friends and
relative’s kids, and I try to help out moms and dads in whatever ways I
can. A new acquaintance asked me
recently how many books I have read about babies and parenthood, and I told her
about 50. She seemed shocked, but I actually think
that that was an understatement. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>The more I read, the more profound respect I have for all of the
parents out there in the world</b>. I
was fascinated reading <i><b><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0465019064?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=0465019064&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">The Mommy Brain:How Motherhood Makes Us Stronger </a></b></i>as the author described how your brain and
body shift when you become a caregiver to make you better prepared for
the task. Your senses become sharper;
you become able to endure more; you need less sleep. Like
the Olympic athletes Gloria Estefan was singing about in <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00136Q338?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B00136Q338&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">“Reach,”</a> moms (and
dads) actually grow stronger. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Motherhood is the ultimate
invitation to confront our dark sides, to confront the ugliest parts of ourselves,
the things that we would rather forget and push aside. In Laura Gutman’s <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0615247555?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=0615247555&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank"><b>Maternity: Coming Face to Face with Your Own Shadow</b></a></i> (p. 27), she
writes:<br />
<o:p></o:p><br />
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“With a mother’s soul exposed in the body of
her baby, we are able to see more clearly the crises that have been kept
inside, the feelings we have not dared to admit, the knots which continue to
entangle our lives, the items which are still pending solution, what we reject,
what we feel is untimely.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>While I love to be around
kids, I am acutely aware that I have never babysat for a child overnight.</b> <b>I know in my head that it is excruciatingly
hard to raise a child.</b> I know that when
I babysit for my little friend Dmitri that I get to unwind and read a book or
watch TV after his mom picks him up while she probably has many more hours of
work ahead of her. I know that my
husband and I have life pretty good right now.
I recall my friend Brooke writing on Facebook soon after she had her
son:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span class="usercontent">“3 things I have learned about
parenting: 1. It is the babysitting job that never ends!!! 2. You have to
really love your career [because] that is the only long break you get during
the day. 3. Getting a smile from your baby makes all the poopy diapers, spit up
and crying all worth it!!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="usercontent"><b>So
why do I want to do it all? Why be a
mom? Why not continue my life of
cocktail parties and reading books and sleeping in and doing whatever I want
whenever I want to do it?</b></span><span class="usercontent"> That would certainly be the easier way. Maybe that’s what God is trying to guide me
towards by not granting my wish to conceive.
Even so, I just can’t let go. For
me, motherhood is the ultimate adventure, the ultimate long-distance hike –
it’s a journey that would take me to the absolute end of my ropes…but
ultimately be the best thing that I ever did.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="usercontent">Cheryl Strayed writes about the joys of
motherhood in <b><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0307949338?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=0307949338&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank"><i>Tiny Beautiful Things</i>: <i>Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar</i></a></b> (p.
122):<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="usercontent"> “…you’ll
have a baby. An amazing little being
who will blow your mind and expand your heart and make you think things you
never thought and remember things you believed you forgot, and heal things you
never imagined you would heal and forgive people you’ve begrudged for too long
and understand things you didn’t understand before you fell madly in love with
a tiny tyrant who doesn’t give a damn whether you need to pee. You will sing again if you stopped singing. You will dance again if you stopped
dancing. You will crawl around on the
floor and play chase and tickle and peek-a-boo.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="usercontent">The front book jacket for Cheryl’s book
<i><b><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005IQZB14?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B005IQZB14&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Wild</a></b></i> says, <b>“<i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005IQZB14?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B005IQZB14&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Wild</a></i></b> vividly captures the terrors and pleasures of one young woman
forging ahead against all odds on a journey that maddened, strengthened, and
ultimately healed her.” <b>That’s how I envision raising a child would be. That’s why I want to do it more than I have ever wanted to do anything else in my life.
</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="usercontent"><b>If
I don’t have kids, I may interact with children and love them, but I will never
ever be someone’s mother</b></span><span class="usercontent">. Only a mom (or sometimes dad) has the privilege and
responsibility of being someone’s key source of love and security in the
world. Only a parent serves as someone's main anchor in the uncertain seas of life. I love watching little kids go off to play and then run back to their parent for a mommy or daddy refill. I want to be that refill.</span><br />
<span class="usercontent"><br /></span>
<span class="usercontent"><b>Without becoming a mom, I will
stay stuck in my ways, stuck in my own small world, stuck in the world as a
grown woman child.</b> To die that way in
forty or fifty years would be the ultimate waste of my life (in my opinion), no
matter how many countries I saw or books I wrote or classes I taught or fancy titles
I got. <b><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span class="usercontent"><b>Almost everything that I have been
working on for the past five years has been in preparation to be the best
</b><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SEEWaMH5dHg/U21m8crJm9I/AAAAAAAADjk/-qaWWEmpUh0/s1600/Me+and+Emma.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><b><img border="0" height="133" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SEEWaMH5dHg/U21m8crJm9I/AAAAAAAADjk/-qaWWEmpUh0/s1600/Me+and+Emma.jpg" width="200" /></b></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Me and My Cousin Emma!</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>possible mom that I can be</b>. I’ve read
books, I’ve meditated, I’ve exercised, I’ve done my best to eat healthy, I’ve
made friends, I’ve saved money. <b>I have tried to be the best woman that I can
be – and I still fear that it is not enough, that I am not strong enough, that
part of the reason I am not a mom is because there is something wrong with me</b>
– something about me that is not qualified enough for the big leagues. Hopefully that is not the case.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="usercontent">Cheryl Strayed writes (in <i><b><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0307949338?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=0307949338&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">TinyBeautiful Things</a></b></i>, p. 246-7),<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="usercontent"><br /></span>
<span class="usercontent"><br /></span>
<span class="usercontent">“The
sketches of your real life and your sister life are right there before you and
you get to decide what to do. One is the
life you’ll have; the other is the one you won’t. Switch them around in your head and see how
it feels. Which affects you on a
visceral level? <b>Which won’t let you
go?</b> Which is ruled by fear? Which is ruled by desire? Which makes you want to close your eyes and
jump and which makes you want to turn and run?"</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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As
much as it scares me, the idea of having kids does not make me want to run. It doesn’t even make me want to close my eyes and jump. <b>At this stage in my journey
with fertility, it isn’t a matter of closing my eyes and jumping, it is a
matter of reaching</b>. <b> Reaching with every
fiber of my being, reaching in the way that Gloria Estefan expresses in her
song</b>. As she
says:<br />
<o:p></o:p><br />
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“…I'll
do whatever it takes<br />
Follow through with the promise I made<br />
Put it all on the line<br />
What I hoped for at last would be mine.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<b>Hopefully my dream will come true, and I will have the
chance to rise to the challenge and step into the ring – to give motherhood the
very best shot that I can</b>.
I hope with all of my heart that that is the case. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>In the meantime,
while I’m waiting for my chance to join you, I wish to honor all of the mothers
in my life and in the world</b> – my friends, coworkers, aunts, cousins, in-laws,
my grandma, and <b>no one more so than my own
mom</b>, who raised me with all of the love in her heart and every strength and bit of energy in
her being. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HMi0_AMtm58/U21rA64s6gI/AAAAAAAADkI/dqWSaDe1iCs/s1600/Davids+Wedding+and+First+Weeks+San+Fran+057.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HMi0_AMtm58/U21rA64s6gI/AAAAAAAADkI/dqWSaDe1iCs/s1600/Davids+Wedding+and+First+Weeks+San+Fran+057.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mom - I Love You - Happy Mother's Day!</td></tr>
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<b>To mothers who are right in the thick of it and mothers
whose children are grown, you all have my deepest respect and admiration.</b> To me, you are Olympic Athletes, Amazon Women, and Fearless Leaders in a world that desperately needs the courage and
vulnerability and strength that you demonstrate every day. <b>You
inspire me and you give me courage and hope for the future. I hope to walk in your shoes someday, and I have very big shoes to fill. </b><br />
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<b> <span style="color: #741b47; font-size: x-large;">Happy Mother’s Day!</span></b><span style="color: #741b47; font-size: x-large;"> </span><i> </i></h2>
<div>
Here are the full lyrics to <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00136Q338?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B00136Q338&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Reach</a> - and the Youtube video:</div>
<div>
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<div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Some Dreams Live On In Time Forever</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Those Dreams You Want With All Your Heart</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">And I'll Do Whatever It Takes</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Follow Through With The Promise I Made</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Put It All On The Line</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">What I Hoped For At Last Would Be Mine</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">If I Could Reach Higher</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Just For One Moment Touch The Sky</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">From That One Moment In My Life</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">I'm Gonna Be Stronger</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Know That I've Tried My Very Best</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">I'd Put My Spirit To The Test</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">If I Could Reach</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Some Days Are Meant To Be Remembered</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Those Days We Rise Above The Stars</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">So I'll Go The Distance This Time</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Seeing More The Higher I Climb</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">That The More I Believe</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">All The More That This Dream Will Be Mine </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">If I Could Reach Higher</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Just For One Moment Touch The Sky</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">From That One Moment In My Life</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">I'm Gonna Be Stronger</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Know That I've Tried My Very Best</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">I'd Put My Spirit To The Test</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">If I Could Reach</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">If I Could Reach Higher</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Just For One Moment Touch The Sky</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">I'm Goona Be Stronger</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">From That One Moment In My Life</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">I'm Gonna Be So Much Stronger Yes I Am</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Know That I've Tried My Very Best</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">I'd Put My Spirit To The Test</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">If I Could Reach Higher</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">If I Could If I Could</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">If I Could Reach</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Reach I'd Reach I'd Reach</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">I'd Reach' I'd Reach So Much Higher</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Be Stronger</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "vernada" , "arial"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05640216604711387118noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5713923983263425557.post-49590397961271092622013-03-15T17:39:00.002-07:002013-03-26T19:30:04.852-07:00On 2013 - My Year of the Friendship!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
This will just be a short post today - I may write more on the topic of friendship later on. I have done some reflection over the past few weeks and decided that now that excitement of my wedding has passed, my "Friendship Muscles" need some flexing. <br />
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As I've written in past posts, I've found that maintaining strong friendships through divorces and break-ups and moves has been very difficult for me. Some dear friendships that I've made over the years are hanging in there - but they've definitely suffered from my move from the Midwest to the West Coast and a 3-hour time difference. Other friendships that had the potential to develop into stronger connections withered when our common group or context was lost due to a break up or life change. <br />
<br />
I always thought that I'd make some of my strongest life friendships when I become a mother someday, but I'm starting to think that it is silly to wait for that phase of my life in order to expand and deepen my social circle - I should put in the time and energy to do it <b>now</b> and develop the habits and practices and traditions that will sustain all of my friendships through sleep deprivation and grueling car pool schedules and the other trials and tribulations of parenthood. <br />
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Luckily, I did a little research the last few weeks and discovered that I am not alone in this struggle, and that there are resources to help me strengthen my friendships and friendship skills - in particular, there is a new book out called, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1618580140/ref=as_li_tf_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1618580140&linkCode=as2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank"><b><i>Friendships Don't Just Happen!: The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of Girlfriends by Shasta Nelson</i></b></a><br />
<br />
I just bought the book and joined her online social community, <a href="http://girlfriendcircles.com/">GirlfriendCircles.com</a>. In addition, <b>I have taken an even bigger leap of faith and created a new Meetup group - <a href="http://www.meetup.com/sfgirlfriends" target="_blank">SF Girlfriends Book Club & Social Group.</a></b><br />
<b><br /></b>
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I'm hoping that facilitating this group will inspire and energize me in my own journey to make 2013 my "Year of the Friendship" and also allow me to help other women in the San Francisco area do the same. <b>Please check out my new meetup site <a href="http://www.meetup.com/SFGirlfriends">www.meetup.com/SFGirlfriends</a></b> and consider joining or spreading to word to women who you think might be interested - this a whole new adventure for me, and I could really use your help!<br />
<br />
In the meantime, I would also appreciate your insights as readers across the globe on the important and challenging practice of making and maintaining friends. <b>What has worked well for you over the years? What pitfalls have you encountered and had to overcome? What recommendations do you have for me and other readers who may be embarking on trying to bolster their friendship circles?</b> Please add your comments below and let us know what you think!</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05640216604711387118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5713923983263425557.post-28461726142260958492012-10-14T18:15:00.001-07:002012-10-15T20:45:12.479-07:00On Friendships Across a Lifetime<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My Wedding - Big Transition!</td></tr>
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I haven’t completely given up on this blog, but it has been
a while since I have written - apologies to my readers!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Today I am
feeling nostalgic and figured I’d share some of what has been on my mind
lately.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b>I’m currently in the process of
moving across town to live with my new husband and am also part of a new office
and department at work – in almost every phase of my life, things are shifting
and changing, mostly for the better</b>.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My AGD Girls in College!</td></tr>
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One side effect of all of this change and transition is it
is reminding me of the phases and people and memories that have come before
this current one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b>I find myself
pondering a line from Nelly Furtado’s song, “Try.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It goes, “I have lived so many lives, though
I’m not old…”</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That quote really
resonates with me – as I think back over the years to my childhood and high
school days in the Chicago suburbs, undergraduate days in Indiana,
post-undergraduate days in Cincinnati, grad school days in Columbus, Girly Girl
days when I first moved to San Francisco, then my Geek Love days in San
Francisco, and now my Biodanza days in San Francisco.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve also had many wonderful colleagues come
and go throughout that time.</div>
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In addition to the friends and acquaintances that I’ve made
through activities and other things directly related to me, I’ve also formed
relationships over the years through people that I’ve dated – my first husband,
my post-divorce relationships, and now through my second husband.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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On one hand, I feel blessed and grateful for all of these
friendships –and I’m still friends with many of these individuals on Facebook
and through other virtual means.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I enjoy
catching up on what they are up to and cheer them on as they get new jobs, new
relationships, and now as many of them become parents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<b>But, I am also aware that as I have moved around and across
the country and as I have moved out of these various phases and love
relationships that my connection with many of these friends has weakened over
the years</b>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of the fault for that lies with me. I am unfailingly bad at
maintaining long-distance relationships – and often have trouble picking up the phone and
calling people who even live in the same city as me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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I suspect that I am not alone in this quandary – or at least
I hope I am not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b>In this day and age, it seems to be not unusual to have wide networks of acquaintances and online connections
but few deep, lifelong core friendships.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b>
</span>I don’t quite know how to fix this – it seems to take up most of my
energy just to make time to go home and reconnect with my family in Chicago
each year – I worry even that those relationships suffer from my distance away.</div>
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I saw a cartoon on Facebook the other day that showed
someone’s wake with only one person there in the audience discussing how
surprised they were to see the place empty because the person has so many
friends on Facebook.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I laughed – but I
also secretly cringed wondering if that will be me someday.</div>
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<b>Do you think this technology that we have is a blessing or a
curse?</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On one hand, it is a lifeline for
me because I still keep up with friends around my phone on my smartphone on the
bus, but maybe it is also a curse because it lulls me into a false sense of
security – it gives me a false impression that I am “keeping up my friendships”
when really I am missing some deeper, more authentic way to do it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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My husband is a master at calling his friends frequently –
he is constantly chatting with people on the phone and making plans to see them
and talking about what is going on in their lives – I am really inspired
watching him and suspect that he is on to something, but also exhausted
watching him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I come work at the
end of the day or am relaxing after a long work week of working with students,
the last thing I want to do is pick up the phone and call someone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yet, who has more close friendships?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who has friendships that have lasted a
lifetime?</div>
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<b>Someone passed me a quote once that said something like,
“Friendships are there for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.”</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>I really like that quote – and I also like
that you can’t predict in advance which of the three will be true for your
relationships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do hope to make some
close friendships with fellow moms when I have kids someday and have heard that
those can be some of the closest friendships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
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<b>Still, how do you make and keep those friendships that do
last for a lifetime?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, how do you
know where to even start?</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which phase of
your life do you pull from?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Should you
focus on the people that you click the most with?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The people who are available the most?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The people who live closest to you?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My Wonderful Bridesmaids</td></tr>
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<b>So many people over the years are near and dear to my heart
(hopefully some of you reading this), and it is not for lack of love that I
don’t keep in touch better.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>I wish I was
stronger at maintaining friendships and I do get lonely sometimes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was just listening to the song, “Now and
Forever” by Carole King and really teared up – somehow this latest round of
transitions is really bringing up old memories and making me miss my friends
near and far more than usual - even as I'm busy organizing and packing and taking care of logistics.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PuCQQbRiHbU/UHzVot2agSI/AAAAAAAAALI/uoGKB-ldPL0/s1600/01Christmas+2007+054.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PuCQQbRiHbU/UHzVot2agSI/AAAAAAAAALI/uoGKB-ldPL0/s200/01Christmas+2007+054.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My Wonderful Family</td></tr>
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<b>I do think about moving back to the Midwest, too – and maybe
I will someday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I spend my life feeling
torn between two coasts.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>I love my job
and the work that I do out here at the University of San Francisco, I love the
weather out here (esp. when it’s not foggy), and I love the culture and
opportunities available out in San Francisco.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But, I miss being closer to the people I love in the Midwest and being
able to drive to Bloomington or Louisville or Cincinnati for a road trip.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I miss being able to really be there for and
with my friends who have kids – to experience more than just the pictures or an
occasional visit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I miss casual
get togethers with friends – birthday parties and potlucks and holiday
celebrations other than the big ones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When I have my own family, I desperately want them to experience the
kind of love and camaraderie that I grew up with.</div>
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What will the future hold?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I don’t know – I suspect that this problem isn’t going to go away and
that I will be torn between two coasts for more than a little while.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After all, even I did move back to Chicago, I
would be missing the life and the connections that I have out here.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My Wonderful Mom - She Is My Best Friend!</td></tr>
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I don’t have any easy answers – but I try to be open and
honest on this blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, this is what
is on my mind today – and has been for a while now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b>For those of you that I know personally, I
miss you – and I hope that we get to connect more soon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are very important to me, and I cherish
the memories that we have together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></b></div>
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For those of you that I don’t know personally, hopefully
this has raised some questions or made you think more deeply about a
predicament that I believe is emblematic of the age we are in – as life flies
by and connections come and go, how you make and maintain friendships across a
lifetime?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are Twitter and Facebook the
answer – or is there something more that we are missing?</div>
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Nelly Furtado - "Try" </div>
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Carole King - "Now and Forever" </div>
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Now and Forever Lyrics </div>
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Songwriters: KING, CAROLE</div>
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Now and forever, you are a part of me<br />
And the memory cuts like a knife<br />
Didn't we find the ecstasy, didn't we share the daylight<br />
When you walked into my life<br />
<br />
Now and forever, I'll remember<br />
All the promises still unbroken<br />
And think about all the words between us<br />
That never needed to be spoken<br />
<br />
We had a moment, just one moment<br />
That will last beyond a dream, beyond a lifetime <br />
We are the lucky ones<br />
Some people never get to do all we got to do<br />
Now and forever, I will always think of you<br />
<br />
Didn't we come together, didn't we live together<br />
Didn't we cry together<br />
Didn't we play together, didn't we love together<br />
And together we lit up the world<br />
<br />
<b>I miss the tears, I miss the laughter<br />
I miss the day we met and all that followed after</b><br />
<b>Sometimes I wish I could always be with you<br />
The way we used to do <br />
Now and forever, I will always think of you<br />
Now and forever, I will always be with you</b></div>
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<span class="b-lyrics-from-signature">[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/c/carole_king/now_and_forever.html ]</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05640216604711387118noreply@blogger.com2San Francisco, CA, USA37.7749295 -122.419415537.6745235 -122.577344 37.8753355 -122.261487tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5713923983263425557.post-84625143959881721162012-03-10T13:50:00.001-08:002012-03-10T13:52:19.707-08:00On Routines - and Cherishing Life Moment by Moment<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><style>
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<div class="MsoNormal"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><b>The other night, I starting thinking about all of the different phases that my life has held.</b> <b>I have only been alive for three decades, but it feels like I have lived so many lives in that time. </b> I was sitting on the chaise lounge in my studio apartment, playing around on my computer, and my boyfriend was snoozing on the bed. This is a peaceful and comfortable scene that has recreated itself a number of times in my near future and is one element of the routines and settings that make up my life right now. Yet, all of a sudden, and it occurred to me that this will not always be my routine and setting – someday I’ll be in a different time and place and look at back on this time in my life remembering this particular chapter.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://perimetergo.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/Young-Woman-Walking-with-Ipod.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://perimetergo.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/Young-Woman-Walking-with-Ipod.jpg" width="133" /></a></div>Once I started thinking along that path, I started to recollect various chapters in my life…what my pre-bed routine was like in other apartments and other relationships. What it is like getting up and getting ready for work in this apartment – and what is was like doing so in other homes and with other partners at other times in my life. On that note, I started thinking about what my experience is like going in to work now – and what it used to be like – who I would see during my day, what my office was like, and what the rhythm of the day was like. I also thought of what activities and places I go to now after work – and other activities and places I used to go at other times in my life – yoga classes, dance classes, Jazzercise classes, happy hours – and how I would get there – listening to music in my car or listening to my Ipod on the bus – even walking through the city as I did in Seville, Spain to get home from class after school.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><b>The only thing that unites each of these varying routines is while they were an integral part of my life, I didn’t really notice them at the time</b> – every once in a while, I came up for air, looked around, and observed what was around me (thus why I still have recollections to ponder). But, most of the time, I didn’t notice much at all – to me, that time and place in my life wasn’t very notable – it seemed that that routine would last forever, so why bother paying attention to it? Sometimes, I even felt bored or frustrated with the monotony of it. <b>Yet, somewhere along the way, that chapter and that routine came to a close – never to come again in exactly the same way – except in my memories.</b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Lately, I’ve thinking about motherhood – what it would like to be a mom, what would be necessary to be a mom and a loving wife, how I would manage all of the stresses and tasks that come with raising a child, and how having a child would change my life forever. Right now, I am blessed to have many moments of solitude and reflection in my life – time to clear my head, listen to music, take a bath, meditate, look up information on the computer or plan for a future possibility. I certainly enjoy those moments now – but I am also realizing that someday those moments could be few and far between – and I could back wistfully at the freedom and independence that I have now. Right now, I am also blessed to have plenty of time in my life to go to Biodanza classes and yoga classes and meditation groups and on various retreats – someday, if I have a child, I know that I would have to be much more choosey about what I do with my time when I am not at work and not with my family. Finally, right now, there are so many tender moments of cuddling and sleeping in and connecting that I have with my sweetheart – without a baby or toddler in between us. Someday those moments could be more difficult to steal way and our time together could be interrupted and strained by over-exhaustion.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4104/5059595508_af442e74c0.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="146" src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4104/5059595508_af442e74c0.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Knowing all of those things doesn’t convince me not to have a child – although it does make me think carefully about whether I’d want to have more than one child. Knowing all of those things make me think how important it is that I prepare myself for eventual motherhood – and really soak in all that I possibly can about this time in my life – about the routines and the dreams and the special moments that I experience day after day. The sunny walks to the bus, the tender cuddly mornings, the enriching classes, and the wonderful moments of reflection like I’m having right now as I write this. <b>All of those moments are so tender and precious – and if I don’t take the time to see and smell and taste and hear and feel every detail, before I know it they will be gone.</b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Even if life doesn’t have it in the cards for me to have a child or marry my current partner, the change of routine and setting is still bound to happen one way or another – because that is the nature of existence – <b>change is the only constant in life.</b> Someday my office will change again at work – or my coworkers will shift or my entire job will shift. Someday the place where I go to Biodanza class will change or my teacher will change or people in my group will stop coming and new people will take their place. Little my little, our routines shift until one day we look back and realize that various parts of our life are no longer there. <b>Sometimes the change is dramatic – with a big move or breakup or layoff. Other times, it is more subtle and sneaks up on us</b>.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://images.indiebound.com/047/319/9781577319047.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://images.indiebound.com/047/319/9781577319047.jpg" width="124" /></a></div>I’ve been reading this book lately called <a href="http://www.karenmaezenmiller.com/books" target="_blank">Hand Wash Cold:Care Instructions for an Ordinary Life</a>. It is written by a Zen priest named <a href="http://www.karenmaezenmiller.com/books" target="_blank">Karen Maezen Miller</a> who is a mom and housewife and writer and who grew up in typical American existence. I’ve been reading it at lunch and really like it – it always seems to bring me out of my planning / ruminating mode and back to the present. On the back cover of the book, it says, <b>“Fall in Love with the Life You Already Have.”</b> How wonderful is that? Thinking about it, I really do love the life that I have right now – and I suspect that if I had taken the time to notice what was in my life at various times in the past, I could have found stuff to love in those “life’s,” too. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Two passages of Ms. Miller’s book about time really stood out to me today. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">She says (p. 130, <i>“I tell people about how much time and effort it takes to be a wife and mother. About how it occupies my whole life. I say I can’t imagine a time when I’ll have more time, when my life will once more be my own. In truth, I struggle daily to give even one measly minute of undistracted company to my family, and I’m here all day. When do we actually have the children we say we have? When are we actually in the relationships we’re in? What portion of the years, the days, the hours of our lives do we spend being the people we define ourselves to be? Fulfilling the roles that we have chosen?”</i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Although I am not currently a wife or a mother, I can totally relate to this passage. I am often feeling like there is not even time to do what I want to do – and focused on getting to a magic, future time when I’ll feel like I’ve “arrived.” But, <b>the idea that that time will come is a myth – the only time we have is now – right now. And, the idea that that place will come is a myth as well – the only place we have is here – right here. </b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">This Thursday, my horoscope said that I was to have an excellent career day – that I would be really successful and unbeatable and all of the stars were aligned to support it. When I read that horoscope, I pictured giving a “knock’em dead” presentation to some higher-ups or receiving news that I’d been promoted or given a raise – some dramatic demonstration of career success. I was a bit puzzled, though, because all I had planned for that day on my calendar was a bunch of student advising appointments and a webinar. As it turned out, I had a string of really meaningful conversations with students that day. Conversations where I was able to be fully present and ask the right questions and help students find their way. Conversations where hopefully I made a difference and inspired "a ha" moments that will help students change their lives for the better. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RmQHXgxcDLs/TdsSCRm4SzI/AAAAAAAAAB0/oc-KFhISZus/s300/USF+Photos+004.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="214" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RmQHXgxcDLs/TdsSCRm4SzI/AAAAAAAAAB0/oc-KFhISZus/s320/USF+Photos+004.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><b>Along the way, as I was reflecting that day at lunch – it occurred to me that that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">is</i> the success story – that is the moment, the arrival that I’ve been striving for. </b> To be doing my lives work and make a difference in some student’s lives – that is what I have trained for and what I strive to do better and better each day – to have some success with that is truly something to cherish and celebrate. <b>This is my life –and my work legacy – one student at a time, one presentation at a time, hour by hour, day by day. Blink – and I’ll miss it.</b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Ms. Miller also said, (p. 139), <i><span style="font-size: small;">“I’m sure it can seem to some that all they have to do is work, leaving all the other priorities to languish on the periphery. I hope for your sake that when it is time to work, all you do is work. But in those hours when the choice is truly yours, what do you choose to put in front of you? Where do you cast your enraptured eye? Where do you lose yourself? Where do you invest your time, your life, and your love, knowing whatever you pay attention to thrives?”</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_JXIZC11FvbM/TOaNKLCH9iI/AAAAAAAAAB4/IMUaYkWR_VY/s1600/mom+swinging+baby.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="165" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_JXIZC11FvbM/TOaNKLCH9iI/AAAAAAAAAB4/IMUaYkWR_VY/s200/mom+swinging+baby.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><b>I want to strengthen these habits of mind of paying attention, being present, and appreciating the moment so that at each stage of my life, whether marriage, motherhood, or whatever life has in store for me, I will truly be there to experience it.</b> I want to be the mom who puts down my computer or phone and gives full attention to my kid. I want to be the wife who truly sees and appreciates her husband and lets him know it every day. I want to be the daughter and granddaughter who really cherishes each moment with her loved ones as they grow older. And, I want to really be there – with friends, with students, with my Biodanza group, in nature – to really experience my life, moment by moment as it unfolds. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Lately, in Biodanza class, I’ve been feeling our moments of beginning and ending in the circle very strongly. We dance holding hands in the circle – and often start moving counter-clockwise together to the music. As the circle gains momentum, I feel a wondrous sensation when I relax and surrender to the movement – letting my self get pulled around and in and out by the circle – and simultaneously pulling those around me. If I heed to the call, I can let go of the needs to cling or control and focus my energy on just being – on hearing the music, taking in the gazes of my fellow Biodanzeros as they go around the circle, and feeling their touch and the ground beneath me, supporting me and holding me each step of the way.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://encrypted-tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRWg3fkDeUeQPrIbzAp0xJDtGbxVJKaFa6LIVROOLT52WWmIWrt" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="151" src="https://encrypted-tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRWg3fkDeUeQPrIbzAp0xJDtGbxVJKaFa6LIVROOLT52WWmIWrt" width="200" /></a></div>Life is that way, too – a continuous circle of movement – cycles – beginnings and endings – we go around the circle and end up back where we started – like a merry go round. <b>If we stop straining to see what is ahead of us in the circle and just surrender to the ride, we can use our focus and energy to just be – to “fall in love with the life we already have” – moment by moment, step by step, breath by breath.</b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">To close, I’m attaching below a video promoting Ms. Miller’s book, “Hand Wash Cold” which I highly recommend – and a song I heard the other day that reminded me of this idea – the importance of staying present and remembering each moment as it happens. Finally, an inspiring image / poster I stumbled across recently - called the <a href="http://shop.holstee.com/pages/about" target="_blank">Holstee Manifesto.</a><br />
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</div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05640216604711387118noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5713923983263425557.post-90377921086527137172012-01-07T18:00:00.000-08:002013-03-26T19:05:48.859-07:00On Embracing Life’s Unexpected Turns and “Mishaps”<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Like many of you out there reading this, I started 2012 with a few New Year’s Resolutions that I would like to achieve. In addition to building on the life balance that I cultivated in 2011, I have set these specific intentions for myself:</div>
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<a href="http://www.thefashionablegal.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/dancing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="http://www.thefashionablegal.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/dancing.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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1.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> <b> </b></span><b>Exercise more regularly and vigorously – ideally in activities that bring me joy.</b></div>
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<b>2.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span>Eat a healthier diet – i.e. fewer processed foods, more veggies, less sugar, less red meat/pork.</b></div>
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<b>3.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span>Develop a more regular meditation practice – ideally meditating 5+ times / week.</b></div>
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Of course, none of these intentions are things that I wasn’t already striving towards in 2011 and none are them are completely out of whack with what I am already doing. Plus, there are some other ancillary goals that I am continuing to work towards, too – like being an effective contributor at work, keeping my place organized, staying better on top of the laundry, etc. </div>
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<a href="http://www.zenlawyerseattle.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/balance-wheel2.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="187" src="http://www.zenlawyerseattle.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/balance-wheel2.png" width="200" /></a></div>
Still, I took an inventory of how I am “doing” against my ideal “balance-o-meter” and determined that if I can add these three key habits to the mix in 2012, I will have more health and wellness and my life will be in greater balance.</div>
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After the first two days of the New Year, I was off to a good start – and feeling excited. I went to my weekly meditation group on Sunday night (Jan 1<sup>st</sup>) and had a really good sit. Then, on Monday (Jan 2<sup>nd</sup>), I spent my last day of Winter Break cleaning my apartment, shopping for healthy foods, and attending a challenging Aharaj / Vinyasa Yoga class at my favorite studio. I felt energized and confident that with two productive days under my belt and an organized and ready living space, I couldn’t help but achieve my New Year’s Resolutions.</div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_iKYL03sKdb4/S7vwosFb8mI/AAAAAAAAAZo/d05JDWTSPkg/s320/flu-bed.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_iKYL03sKdb4/S7vwosFb8mI/AAAAAAAAAZo/d05JDWTSPkg/s200/flu-bed.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
Unfortunately, <b>life had other plans for me, and on Day 3 of the New Year (Tuesday), I headed back to work and within hours came down with a full-blown cold virus</b>. Not an “ Oh, I’ll just suffer through this minor annoyance” sniffle-ly cold, but a full-on, get the tissues ready, nose-blowing, sneezing, achy, “Get me some NyQuil! “cold which took me right back home from work and into bed for most of the week.<br />
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For the first day or so, I was devastated by this turn of events. I railed against the universe, threw myself a pity party, and bemoaned my fate. What about that new Hip Hop class I was going to start? What about getting a jump-start on projects that needed to get done at work? How could I handle losing momentum on my New Year’s Resolutions? What did I do wrong to deserve being sick so soon into 2012?</div>
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<a href="http://www.impactlab.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/woman-plugging-ears.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://www.impactlab.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/woman-plugging-ears.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
From there, I proceeded to get angry with myself about not handling this turn of events in a very “Zen-like” spirit. I felt like a Bad Buddhist, a Resolution Failure, a Germ Bucket, and a Loser. Basically, for the third and fourth day of the New Year, I was not a very pleasant person to be around (bless my boyfriend's heart for putting up with me) – and I was definitely not a glowing example of progress. <b>The perfectionist part of me was not a happy camper.</b></div>
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Now that my days of pouting have passed and I am slowly starting to rejoin the land of the living, I’ve been reflecting on this situation and recalling some of the teachings that this episode exemplifies.</div>
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First of all, I told this story to a Buddhist friend on the bus this week, and as soon as I finished relating what happened, he immediately noted what a wonderful example of the Four Noble Truths it was. I hadn’t fully thought about it, but he is totally right – <b>this story is an excellent example of the first two noble truths of Buddhism.</b> Sylvia Boorstein gives this insightful description of the first two noble truths in her book, <u><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0062512943?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=0062512943&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">It’s Easier Than You Think: The Buddhist Way to Happiness (p. 19)</a></u></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“The First Noble Truth declares unflinchingly, straight out, that <b>pain is inherent in life itself just because everything is changing.</b> The Second Noble Truth explains that suffering is what happens when we struggle with whatever our life experience is rather than accepting and opening to our experience. From this point of view, there’s a big difference between pain and suffering. Pain is inevitable; lives come with pain. <b>Suffering is not inevitable. If suffering is what happens when we struggle with our experience because of our inability to accept it, then suffering is an optional extra.”</b></i></div>
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Looking at my illness from this perspective, my being sick was not the cause of my suffering. Being sick was unfortunate, yes. But, what was really making me miserable was my initial refusal to accept that my New Year’s Resolutions and goals weren’t going off as planned and my frustration at myself for somehow doing something wrong and “getting myself sick.” <b>Beyond drinking fluids and resting, there wasn’t much I could do to make my body heal faster – but I had a powerful opportunity to stop my <u>suffering</u> about being sick.</b></div>
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<a href="http://www.shambhala.com/images/covers/large/1590303083.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://www.shambhala.com/images/covers/large/1590303083.jpg" width="136" /></a></div>
This newest chapter in my life has also brought to mind some recent teachings from a David Richo book that I am currently reading called, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1590303083?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=1590303083&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank"><u>The Five Things We Cannot Change…and the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them</u></a>.</div>
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David Richo uses his years of experience as a psychotherapist and Buddhist practitioner to describe these truths in layman’s terms. <b>According to him, we can greatly increase our happiness, freedom, and fulfillment by embracing five “givens” of human existence</b>:</div>
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<b>1.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span>Everything Changes and Ends</b></div>
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<b>2.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span>Things Do Not Always Go According to Plan</b></div>
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<b>3.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span>Life Is Not Always Fair</b></div>
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<b>4.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span>Pain is a Part of Life</b></div>
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<b>5.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span>People Are Not Always Loving and Loyal All the Time</b></div>
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During the early part of this week, the only one of his five givens that I wasn’t complaining about was #5 - luckily the people around me were great. Otherwise, I was upset that my Winter Break and illness-free state were ending; I was upset that my New Year’s Resolutions weren’t off to the start that I planned, I was upset that I keep coming down with colds even though I work hard to have healthy living habits, and I was upset that I kept blowing my nose and sneezing my head off every two seconds. </div>
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According to Dr. Richo, it’s not just that these five givens are unfortunate and we need to learn to “deal with them” in order to be happy. He takes it a step further to explain why we should actually be glad that these five givens exist – because endings clear the way to new beginnings, and changes in plan can lead to serendipitous opportunities, and pain is a a powerful teacher which can lead us to empathy and compassion and wisdom if we let it. </div>
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<b>When we spend endless energy trying to control our experience (as I often to) by strictly abiding to resolutions, hanging on to jobs and relationships for dear life, and planning every moment of our life down to the smallest detail, we miss the opportunity say “Yes” to whatever opportunities comes our way. </b><br />
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As Dr. Richo puts it (p. 13), “<i><b>To focus on being in control hinders our chances of finding the new possibilities that arise when surprising directions appear on our path.”</b></i> He mentions several examples of famous people who stumbled upon their destiny after a wrong turn came their way – like <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doris_Day#Early_life" target="_blank">Doris Day</a> whose injury ended her dreams of being a dancer but cleared the path towards her becoming a famous singer/actress and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gone_with_the_Wind#cite_note-autogenerated63-0" target="_blank">Margaret Mitchell</a> whose injury held back her journalism career but cleared the way for her to stay home and write the novel <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gone_with_the_Wind" target="_blank">Gone with the Wind</a>, her legacy to the world. </div>
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In my own case, staying home this week allowed me to enjoy several opportunities that might not have otherwise come my way. For instance, by being at home, I was able to experiment with cooking several new healthy dishes and get my eating resolution off to a good start. Also, by being able to work from home a few days instead of jumping right back into the office right away, I was able to better prioritize which task items needed attention right away and start this first week of the New Year in a more proactive rhythm rather than falling into my usual habit of clearing my Email Inbox first, meeting with students, or procrastinating when I really should be devoting time to getting projects done. Finally, who knows what other opportunities I may have set into motion by getting sick and staying home this week – sometimes our karma and destinies aren't revealed until later down the line.</div>
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All in all, if you are also working on some New Year’s Resolutions or goals of your own, I encourage you to remember these noble truths and givens and try not to be so hard on yourself. <b>In the end, January 1<sup>st</sup> is just a figment of our imagination and a date that we put on the calendar. Each moment is an opportunity for a fresh start, <u>and</u> sometimes a “mistake” or “wrong turn” can actually lead to greater gifts. </b> </div>
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I gave my little niece/cousin a book for Christmas this year called, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/076115728X?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=076115728X&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">“Beautiful Oops”</a> in an effort to encourage that very spirit and openness to life in her as she grows up in our high-pressure society. Barney Salzburg's key message is, <i><b>"When you <u>think</u> you have made a mistake, think of it as an opportunity to make something beautiful."</b></i> It’s full of fun little examples of art that can be created by a folded piece of paper or an Ink Stain or other “Oops” that both big kids and little kids make from time to time. If you have any little kids in your life, I encourage you to check it out with them!</div>
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For now, I leave you with this quote from the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1590303083?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=1590303083&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Five Things</a> book. I’ll also leave you with several songs/videos that strangely (loosely) seem to convey this theme of accepting life and finding beauty in unexpected places. Enjoy!</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>“May I trust the forces that help me know who I am and where I am going, and may all those who doubt themselves and disregard their destiny likewise be surrounded by inescapable evidence of their limitless identity and destiny (Richo, Five Things, p. 33).”</i></b></span><br />
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<b><u>Beautiful Oops - a Video Read-a-long for the Barney Salzburg Book</u></b><br />
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<b><u>"Try" by Nelly Furtado (note - this one is more subtly connected related)</u></b><br />
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"This Too Shall Pass" by Ok Go (Rube Goldberg Machine Version)</u></b><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05640216604711387118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5713923983263425557.post-79030968792031414542011-11-25T13:15:00.000-08:002013-03-26T19:37:11.588-07:00On Gratitude - It's Not Just for Thanksgiving These Days!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Courtesy of Xtremefreak.com</td></tr>
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As we finish up the turkey leftovers and close the chapter on Thanksgiving for this year, <b>I’d like to express my gratitude for discovering the practice and power of gratitude this past year – a practice that now brings joy into my life well beyond Thanksgiving. </b></div>
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In the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0085S090U?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B0085S090U&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Awakening Joy</a> course with James Baraz that I took this year (and the accompanying <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0085S090U?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B0085S090U&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">book</a>), one of the key practices that we were taught to cultivate is Gratitude. According to happiness experts like <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1572246952?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=1572246952&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Rick Hanson</a>, <b>our brains are trained to focus extra attention on negative stimuli</b> – a throwback to the days when we had to be primed each minute for potential dangers – after all, if we weren’t careful, giant Sabertooth tigers would chase us and eat us! </div>
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Very useful back then – not so useful now in modern life. Nowadays, all of that focus on the negative makes us depressed and anxious and unhappy. We live longer and stay out of danger – but we carry our unhappy brains and moods with us all of our lives.</div>
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Before learning to focus on gratitude, my conversations with friends and family used to sound like competitions to see who would win the award for having the worst day - I’d grumble about the student I met with who was cranky or the bus that was late or whatever minor annoyance was highlighted in my consciousness. My companions would complain about the bad weather, the driver who cut them off and the friend who stood them up for dinner.</div>
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Since learning the power of gratitude, I am making a concerted effort to focus on what I am grateful for in my life and what has gone well in my day. As a result, I feel more positive and am able to share the joy and happiness in my life with those around me. </div>
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Here are some ways that I have worked gratitude into my life:</div>
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<b>When I walk back from lunch to head back in to work, I make a point to take in the beautiful campus surrounding me and cultivate a smile in my body and mind</b>. I also try to notice the positive atmosphere around me on the way into work in the morning, when I am walking home from the bus at night, and whenever I stop for a minute and take a breath.</div>
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<b>When I am feeling anxious or frustrated, I’ve found that taking a minute to stop and run through a list in my mind of things that I am grateful for really helps</b> me to break out of the cycle of samsara and get back to an open heart and mind – ideally before I tear the head off of my companion.</div>
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<b>I also make a point to really stop and feel good feelings inside – to take in the good</b> <b>and soak it into my body and mind.</b> Happiness researchers like <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1572246952?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=1572246952&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Rick Hanson</a> say that by really emphasizing and noticing when we feel good, we can help to change our brains over time and discount the bad things that we notice day in and day out.<b> </b> For instance, I had a really good phone conversation yesterday with my grandparents in Florida – who I am extremely grateful to still have alive and healthy in my life. When I got off of the phone, I noticed that I felt really good – and I paused for a moment to feel that all the way through my body – and to remember how amazing it feels to be able to have them in my life to call on Thanksgiving.</div>
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<b>One practice that I am particularly grateful for is a gratitude email practice that my mom and I started earlier this year</b>. Each day, we trade emails back and forth sharing three things that we are grateful for in our life. I look forward to reading my mom’s emails each day to find out what is adding happiness to her life; I find the practice of writing my own emails helpful to focus my attention on the good; and I am enjoying how this new exchange of gratitude lists has improved the flavor of our daily connection with one another.</div>
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I would be silly to claim that I bring the spirit of gratitude into my life all the time – after all, just like any of you, I have days and moments when I sound more like a whiny grouch than anything else. Nevertheless, these past months of gratitude practice have been so worth it and so wonderful that I am convinced of its power. <b>Don’t believe me? Try it for yourself – this year, instead of saving gratitude just for Thanksgiving, try keeping it in going in your life until next Thanksgiving – and see what you think!</b></div>
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As a parting gift, here are some videos on gratitude – to give you some ideas and get you started!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05640216604711387118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5713923983263425557.post-33113042559470202522011-11-12T15:36:00.000-08:002013-03-26T19:08:38.046-07:00On Surrendering Into Our Interconnectness<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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The past few weeks, I have been <b>holding an intention to be more accepting of myself and others and reflecting on our interconnectedness with each other and everything around us</b>. Of course, doing so has been difficult for me to do because you can’t “will” yourself to do anything – approaching these qualities of compassion and lovingkindness with a desire for perfection is counterproductive. </div>
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I had the opportunity to listen to a great talk by Tara Brach on <a href="http://www.dharmaseed.org/teacher/175/talk/5944/" target="_blank">Anxiety About Imperfection</a> in October, and have also been reading her book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0553380990?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=0553380990&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Radical Acceptance</a> during my lunch hours. According to her, you can’t convince yourself not to be judgmental of yourself or others – just as you can’t convince yourself to change any habit through willpower alone. Instead, <b>by bringing gentle and loving awareness to your thoughts and actions and seeing how they resonate with your body and mind, you will begin to shift them naturally</b>. Also, by reminding ourselves of our loved ones and humanity, we become less likely to think in terms of me, my, and mine – and we are inspired to act with love and compassion.</div>
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These ideas also work well for dealing with difficult emotions – like anger, anxiety, sadness, fear, etc. For many years, my approach has been to feel ashamed and distressed when these feelings arise and to try and get rid of them as quickly as possible. I come from a family where we try to focus on the good and put a happy face on things. I do believe that focusing on the positive in life is a beneficial thing and much research and teachings support that idea – gratitude practice has been more and more helpful in my life. </div>
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Nevertheless, having aversion to difficult feelings rather than approaching them with gratitude and acceptance often makes them harder to cope with. Many of the Buddhist teachings that I’ve come across encourage us to <b>lean into discomfort and lean into difficult emotions – to welcome the monsters into the room when they arise rather than running away scared.</b> While suffering is never pleasant, when we truly look it in the eye and take it in, it opens our hearts and humbles us. </div>
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These days, <b>when I feel anxiety arising or feel sad or angered about something someone said to me, I try to focus in on the actual sensations in my body, the raw feelings underneath</b> – not the story about whose fault it is or what I should do about it or why it is happening. I try to feel my heart and throat tighten or feel the heaviness in my body or feel my flushed face and hold those sensations with a loving heart, like a mother would hold her crying child. In surrendering to the feelings moving through me, I feel a great sense of release and I feel strangely held by the universe. </div>
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In Biodanza class recently, our teacher Clara did a vivencia class focused on the concept of the nest – feeling supported and nurtured by everything around us. I had had a particularly stressful week at work and was feeling pretty wiped out – so wiped out that instead of trying to be the perfect student and do every exercise “right,” I just released into the moment – when we walked through the space, I sank my feet into the ground and felt it hold me up; when I danced with one of my classmates, I just gazed into her eyes and felt an authentic, open connection; and when we gathered into the equivalent of a big group hold, I just relaxed completely and felt all of the bodies of my comrades around me. It was truly a wonderful class – and really made me feel connected with the earth and the community around me. I didn’t feel such a compulsive need to hold myself up. </div>
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In that talk about <a href="http://www.dharmaseed.org/teacher/175/talk/5944/" target="_blank">Anxiety About Imperfection</a>, Tara Brach shared an image / idea which I’ve found very powerful lately. She said to <b>picture ourselves and the entire universe as the great wide ocean. So many waves of emotions and stories and egos and everything run through us, but in the end we are just a vast ocean of awareness</b> – awareness that has been here since we were born and will be here when we die. When I feel triggered and think about sinking into the great ocean of love and awareness, I feel a wonderful sense of wholeness and completeness. </div>
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I was also working with sound last night at a <a href="http://www.meetup.com/SoundHealingCenter/" target="_blank">Sound Healing meetup</a> at the <a href="http://www.soundhealingcenter.com/" target="_blank">Globe Sound and Consciousness Institute</a> that I went to in celebration of 11-11-11. There were several musicians there and we spent a lot of time using singing bowls and toning in as a large group on particular sound frequencies. If you ever have an opportunity to do that sort of activity or sing along with a toning CD or use toning forks, I encourage you to do so – it is amazing how much can communicated by sound. I have a similar feeling in Kundalini Yoga when we chant various mantras together - something about joining together in sound really cues me in to our joint energy and spirit – where my body starts and ends seems to blur. </div>
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I also like picturing our unitedness in terms of light – when I was at the Sound Healing meetup, I found myself picturing an image similar to the ending of the movie Ghost, where Patrick Swayze finally joins up with all of the other beings in heaven after he saves Demi Moore from the evil person who murdered him. As I remember it, you see him stepping into a bath of light and at first you can see him and see the outlines of other beings, but eventually it all just blurs together into one big ball of light. Other movies with death have used this image as well – of walking into the light, etc.</div>
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I’m not sure what your specific spiritual beliefs are and I’m not inclined to try to change them – I think all religions in the world have something beneficial to share. Most of them at their heart encourage us to bring love into the world and share our light and compassion with others. <b>As we learn more and more about science, it seems that science supports the idea of us all being interconnected</b> – <b>of us all being part of a giant energy field</b>. There are so many neurons that fire and connect to help us conceive our place in the world that I think it is entirely conceivable that this idea of a body and a self separate from the rest of the universal energy field is simply something created by our brain to help us make sense of the world – otherwise it is too abstract to conceive. </div>
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<b>Science also supports the idea of our connection with others being crucial to our survival</b> – I’m sure many of you have heard <a href="http://www.integratedcatholiclife.org/2011/05/the-rescuing-hug/" target="_blank">"The Rescuing Hug"</a> story or read one of the articles that circulated around the Internet a year or so ago about the benefits of co-incubating twins that have been born prematurely and aren’t ready to survive in the world yet. Or of allowing premature infants to be held and hugged by their parents. Our science world would suggest to keeping the environment sterile and free of germs is the most important thing (and it’s definitely important) – but it seems that there is support for the idea that touch and human connection is extremely important to our survival. I’ve also heard <a href="http://library.adoption.com/articles/the-importance-of-touch.html" target="_blank">stories of babies in orphanages who died or had health difficulties even though they seemingly every need taken care of</a> – they were feed, clothed, given shelter, etc. – but weren’t held on a regular basis, and we as humans depend on that touch and connection.</div>
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In the documentary movie, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00BCFZGAG?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B00BCFZGAG&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Connected</a>, which I mentioned in my last blog entry, there is a part where the narrator mentions that <b><a href="http://www.linesofbeauty.com/2011/10/beauty-of-touch.html" target="_blank">hugging for at least six seconds</a> releases oxytocin and helps with our over wellbeing</b>. I’ve also heard that things like <a href="http://www.cuddleparty.com/" target="_blank">Cuddle Parties</a> – which are parties basically focused on giving space for hugs and affection without all of the complexities of dating, relationships, etc. – are extremely helpful for single people. <a href="http://www.livestrong.com/article/186495-importance-of-human-touch/" target="_blank">Hugging and sharing affection with another human bolsters our immune system</a> and can even help people lose weight – many times we try to fill out need for love and affection and connection by buying things or stuffing ourselves with food or other material things – when all we really desire is a hug – or some sort of basic reminder that we are infinitely connected with source and everything around us. </div>
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<b>When is the last time that you hugged someone?</b> Hopefully not too long ago – if it has been awhile – go find someone and give them a hug – and – extra credit – try to hold the embrace for at least 6 seconds – or at least a full breath. <b>So many times when we give someone a hug, we tense up and hold our breath instead of just relaxing into the embrace and feeling our bodies and souls melt into one another</b>. I LOVE this picture of two kittens snuggling up to one another – I keep it posted on my fridge, and it warms my heart every time I look at it. </div>
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Anyway, these are some thoughts that I’ve been working with lately related to working with anxiety, imperfection, and difficult emotions and about finding such expansive peace in surrendering to the connections and shared energy around us. I just came from an <a href="http://www.yelp.com/biz/anne-perkins-rn-lac-san-francisco#query:acupuncture%20anne" target="_blank">acupuncture</a> session earlier today, and as I was lying on the table, I felt such a deep sense of peace – as if I was sinking into and through the table and was swallowed up by the vast energy, love, and light around me. The feeling was fleeting, but when it was there, it was so incredibly powerful. </div>
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As you tackle these same demons in your life, I encourage you to <b>embrace your suffering and feelings with compassion</b>, <b>give yourself or someone a hug, and seek out practices like <a href="http://www.yelp.com/biz/biodanza-san-francisco" target="_blank">Biodanza</a> and Sound Healing that assist you to let go and float into the endless sea of awareness of which we are all part.</b></div>
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To finish - I leave you with an old favorite song of mine that I got from watching Grey's Anatomy - "Infinity" - by Merrick. The images in this video are moving and beautiful - enjoy!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05640216604711387118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5713923983263425557.post-18912623750319837322011-10-29T14:48:00.000-07:002011-12-09T00:45:25.646-08:00Staying Balanced Within the Eye of the Storm<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><style>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">It’s been a while since I have written on this blog…for those of you readers who may have been eagerly awaiting my next update – I apologize for the delay! This summer I spent a lot more time by myself and the call to write felt especially strong. Since that point, the academic year at school has started up, I have started a new relationship, and I’ve had many opportunities to join friends in growth enriching activities. While I am still committed to this blog, finding the right rhythm to update it and maintain it moving forward will be my next challenge.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
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</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">One big focus in my life lately has been finding a way to keep balanced in the midst of all of the stress and activity in daily life – to devote even attention to body, mind, heart, and spirit. <b>My goal is to cultivate an oasis of peace, love, and serenity in the eye of the storm around me</b> – to respond in a Matrix-like fashion – sort of like when Neo fights the Bobs and he can see their movements so clearly and slowly and respond with grace and composure. I don’t achieve that state with great frequency, but that is definitely my goal.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">To me, <b>focusing on my body</b> means eating healthily, sleeping sufficiently, and finding time to move and exercise – I’ve started trying to do a little bit of Aharaj Yoga in the mornings in my apartment, I go to Dynamic Chakra Dance every time it is offered, and I try to work in walking and other forms of dance whenever I can. One breakthrough that I’ve head in this area is feeling more empowered to take on movement – such as yoga or Pilates or swimming – on my own – to not feel quite so encumbered to go to a class in order to exercise. While I still love going to classes whenever I can, it is great to know that I have that back-up form of activity – that a lot of the movements are right there when I need them. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><a href="http://connectedthefilm.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/2011-10-24_connected_poster_small_web-500x741.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://connectedthefilm.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/2011-10-24_connected_poster_small_web-500x741.png" width="134" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>Focusing on my mind </b>signifies to me my professional development, learning opportunities, and my work pursuits. I finished my Career Development Facilitator training in early September, attended the annual NACADA (National Academic Advising Association) conference in early October, and am involved in several working groups helping to create a new centralized advising center on campus – the Center for Academic and Student Achievement (CASA). I also continue to go to lots of retreats and trainings in my personal life and read books at lunch – I’ve gotten into watching TED videos and continue try to see the world in new and different ways. I’ve seen two independent movies that I really enjoyed this year – <a href="http://www.thehappymovie.com/film/">Happy</a> and <a href="http://connectedthefilm.com/">Connected</a> – both gave me excellent perspective on life and our human experience – I recommend seeing them if they come your way.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: center;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>Focusing on my heart</b> to me signifies trying to approach my new </div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Collage I Made at NACADA Conference!</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">relationship with love and compassion and care – to really create a healthy partnership and develop new patterns that come from a place of confidence and comfort with myself – that will sustain and grow connection over a long period of time. It also signifies developing and sustaining friendships – truly authentic friendships where I feel comfortable being uniquely me. This past year, I’ve had the opportunity to get to know some great new people – from the Biodanza community, from the Hanuman Center, and from SF Insight and other meditation groups. I cherish their company and am enjoying the process of seeing those friendships grow. I also continue to cherish the friends that I already have and enjoying getting together with those people as much as I can. Finally, focusing on my heart to me signifies maintaining joyful connections with my family – even when many of them live halfway across the country – those connections are very dear to me and hope to maintain a healthy family life for years to come – someday adding a child (or children of my own) to the mix.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://awakeningjoy.info/images/bookCoverLarge.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://awakeningjoy.info/images/bookCoverLarge.jpg" width="130" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Awakening Joy Book</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>Focusing on my spirit</b> to me means continuing to still my mind and feel the basic love and awareness deep inside – to strengthen my connection to source. I try to go to SF Insight on Sunday nights whenever I can – and often alternate a seated meditation with my yoga in the mornings – I’m finding that it is hard to work both into a daily routine – so I figure if I’m at least doing a little bit of each within the week, that’s good. Many of my movement activities such as Dynamic Chakra Trance dance and Biodanza also help tremendously to bring me into the present moment and help me feel part of the larger community of life. I’ve really enjoyed the Awakening Joy class that I am finishing up this next month (it’s a 10-11 month course on 10 practices that bring joy and wellbeing into your life). I’ve had the opportunity to go to several daylong retreats up at Spirit Rock – and I’ve also recently starting exploring with chanting and toning and other forms of <a href="http://www.soundhealingcenter.com/">Sound Healing</a> – excellent forms for me. I still haven’t done a lot in a church context, but I did attend a service at Glide Memorial Church this summer, and I’ve had some recent conversations with people about commonalities between Judaism, Christianity, Buddhism, Science, and other Religious forms.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><a href="http://redsunyoga.com/newsite/http://www.redsunyoga.com/img/RedSun/bigstockphoto_Yoga_2008033.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="141" src="http://redsunyoga.com/newsite/http://www.redsunyoga.com/img/RedSun/bigstockphoto_Yoga_2008033.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>All in all, I feel that I am starting to achieve some balance with these four areas – but it is a constant challenge.</b><b> </b> Some weeks I feel particularly charged on mind and body to the detriment of heart and spirit and vice versa – it seems impossible to hit perfectly on all four in any given week. Which brings me to another element that I’ve been playing with – basically a foundation of loving-kindness and acceptance and sourcing from my inner awesomeness. So many times, I catch myself being critical of myself and or telling myself that I “should be a certain way” – I can be very hard on myself, and I’m trying to move away from that as best I can – to accept where I am and what I am feeling in any given moment. It’s not easy – I am very good at finding fault with myself. But – that’s okay – the point isn’t to achieve each of these qualities that I am trying to cultivate instantly – I suspect trying to do so will be a lifelong journey. It is also important that I accept each moment as it comes – each change and bump in the road. This morning I felt rather sad about something – that’s ok. Right this minute I feel some peace about it – that’s ok too. Who knows what I’ll feel two hours from now – life is full of surprises.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">At a workshop that I went to recently by David Richo at Spirit Rock on his book How to Be An Adult in Relationships, he asserted that all humans basically need and hunger for the following five A’s in both childhood and adulthood:</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>Attention</b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>Acceptance</b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>Appreciation</b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>Affection</b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>Allowing</b> (i.e. being given the freedom to grow and be who you want to be)</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Ideally, in an adult relationship, each partner will provide these A’s the other – all the while knowing that it is important to get them fully from any given source. Adults will know that they can get these A’s from themselves, from their source, from their friends, from their job, etc. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One of His Many Books!</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I’ve been relatively lucky in my life to have had many of these A’s provided for me by my parents, but I still struggle a bit with Acceptance and Allowing – for whatever reason, I am endlessly seeking complete acceptance and freedom to be who I want to be – in my relationships and also in my work life. Each of us has some blocks around these A’s – either we received too much of them as a child and we expect them from every around us or we didn’t get them as a child and we have a bottomless craving for them in adulthood. In his talk and in his book, he gave some ideas for working with our problem needs – I’m only partly through the book, so I’m still a bit rusty on that part. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I do find it an interesting way of looking at the world, though – many of the issues I encounter relate back to these A’s in some way. <b> </b><b>It’s also a helpful barometer to use in measuring the health of any given relationship – if I’m giving and receiving a reasonable amount of these A’s, I think that’s a very good sign.</b> David Richo also suggested when we feel angry or triggered by something, to use the SEE method to gauge – i.e. is this related to my shadow self, my ego, or my early childhood? If so, it might not have much to do at all with the person whom I think I am angry with? He has a helpful free guide (which I haven't read all the way through available at the following link: <a href="http://davericho.com/free-book/">http://davericho.com/free-book/</a>) </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">In my case, I think I have a difficult time dealing with judgmental or critical people because I myself am so judgmental and critical of myself and maybe of others as well – because I can’t accept that part of me, I have a hard time accepting it in others. Also – it goes back to my early childhood and relationship with acceptance. Don’t get me wrong – I have definitely experienced significant acceptance in my life – I think a part of me deep down just wonders what would happen if I gained 40 pounds, quit my job and had to go on welfare, and never sent any cards or greetings to anyone. Would I still be accepted then? Would I even accept myself?</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Anyway, as you all continue on in your lives this next month or so – <b>I encourage you to use these frameworks in your life – i.e. to think how you are balancing your body, mind, heart, and spirit – what that means for you. Also, what is your relationship with the five A’s? Are there any A’s that you need to work on? </b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.theblogismine.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/wave-photography-by-Clark-Little-12-150x150.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.theblogismine.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/wave-photography-by-Clark-Little-12-150x150.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Wave Photo by Chris Little</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>In my case – I plan to continue striving for balance – especially as we get into the holidays and the start of winter.</b> I’d like to bring in more movement-oriented dance-like activity (to complement that yoga I’m doing), handle a stressful stretch at work with grace and composure, to continue cultivating my relationships with friends, family, and my partner – particularly as I start to intermingle them more, and to find more consistent time for stillness in my life – by going more consistently to SF Insight and by someday going to a silent retreat – perhaps in the new year. I’m also continually striving (and struggling) to maintain order in my life – to keep paperwork under control, maintain a clean and organized household, and keep track of my finances – I still haven’t figured out which part of body, mind, heart, and spirit those fit into – but they seem to be important as well!</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Anyway, as I leave you for now – I’m including a recent song by ModeSelector that I really enjoy – it’s instrumental and a bit long (don't feel obligated to listen to the whole thing!) but to me the tone of the music speaks to the quality of clear seeing and calm that I would like to have in my life. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> Modeselektor - My Anthem</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/gA6Nzv4mtkI?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div class="MsoNormal"></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05640216604711387118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5713923983263425557.post-82791831076090572432011-08-03T17:05:00.000-07:002013-03-26T19:11:07.319-07:00On Taking Risks – and Not Being Afraid to Make Mistakes<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">As a recovering perfectionist, I sometimes have a tendency to fear the unknown and succumb to decision paralysis – risk-taking and spontaneity are not natural impulses for me, although I cherish new adventures and opportunities.</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Cowardly Lion = Me :)</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">Since getting divorced a few years ago, I find that I am more risk averse than I was in my early 20’s. The thought of branching out in a new career direction or someday opening my own business seems scary because as a single woman I am fully responsible for supporting myself in the world. If I jump ship or make a move unwisely, I might find myself without a roof over my head or scrambling to find my next meal – at the very least, I might end up needing to leave California and beg my parents to let me stay with them in Chicago for a little while. Luckily, I am pleased with the direction that my current position is going in at USF – I just wonder if it will someday fit with my lifestyle if I have kids and want to spend more time with them – or if I someday want to advance to higher level positions.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">On the romance front, I am even more unsure of myself – after all, I’ve now seen two serious relationships disintegrate from love and promise and potential to criticism, contempt and disappointment. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">How am I to trust when someone professes their affection and admiration for me that they will still be doing so months or years down the line when the honeymoon fades and the work of relationship begins? Will they roll up their sleeves and fight with me to find middle ground and make a partnership work? Could I someday trust them enough to have kids and raise a family with them? Would I be making a mistake by opening my heart to yet another person? These are the thoughts that now run through my head when I meet a new dating prospect. Sexy, right?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">I wonder if some of you reading this blog have experienced similar fears about making a mistake…on either the career or the romance front. If so, what has been helpful for you? How have you let yourself be paralyzed by fear or have you found a way to cope with these doubts?</span></div>
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One thing that I have found very helpful lately is the work of John Krumboltz and Al Levin on Career Happenstance – most notably featured in the book, <u><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/188623003X?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=188623003X&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Luck is No Accident: Making the Most of Happenstance in Your Life and Career</a>. </u> This theory focuses on the idea that unplanned events, or chance occurrences lead to unexpected life directions and career choices and often have more influence on our lives than all of our careful planning efforts. This theory suggests that there are no mistakes – just opportunities to learn from experiences and move in new directions – and says that it is never too late to change directions – and there is no need to stick with a plan that is no longer working with you. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">Krumboltz and Levin encourage readers to be aware of their surroundings for possible opportunities, take risks even when rejection is a possible outcome, and be adaptable and open-minded – basically go with the flow of what life throws at you. They encourage people to try out possible career opportunities through job shadows, internships, night classes and other means before making a final decision and not to be afraid to turn back if those experiences turn out to be less enjoyable than anticipated.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">While most of the examples in the book are career-oriented, I think the ideas of the theory have applications for love as well – after all, how many people talk about meeting their sweetheart while on a business trip or in a new workout class or on some chance occasion? </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">In reassuring readers to take risks and try things even without knowing the outcome, Krumboltz shares this passage in the book that I find particularly encouraging:</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">“If you try something new, you may succeed or you may fail, you may like it or you may hate it, you may make new friends or even enemies, and you may produce consequences that you never expected – including some that you may never even know about. Trying something new is a risk. You don’t know in advance what the result will be…However, <b>if you want to be absolutely sure about your results, there is one thing you can do – nothing! When you do nothing, you can be sure that nothing will result.”</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">I love that idea – no matter what you do, there is a chance that you will fail – you could fail or you could succeed beyond your wildest dreams. As Pema Chodron often reminds us, we have no idea what is going to happen in life – we don’t know what the results of our actions will be. But…if you lock yourself in your apartment and do nothing… it is pretty certain that nothing is going to happen. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;"><b>This perspective gives me encouragement to get out there in the world…try new hobbies…take new classes…learn new skills…meet new people personally and professionally</b>. Visit new places – after all, I just visited Madison, Wisconsin this week and met some cool new people – who knows, maybe I will someday end up living in Madison – then again, maybe not? It is good to have it as an option, though…and I believe I’m better off for having had a new adventure rather than sticking only to the familiar and comfortable.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;"><b>Even if you do “make a mistake,” as long as you keep a learning perspective, it is not a lost opportunity</b>. While I do regret getting divorced in my 20’s and having had a recent relationship break-up, I can also attest that some of my greatest life lessons have come from those experiences, and I am a better, stronger person for having had them. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">So, if you are considering taking a risk and jumping in to a new adventure – in love, career, or any other area of your life – I say go for it – give life a chance to deliver you the opportunity of your dreams and continue your path of lifelong learning. You never know what will happen but you do not if you give in to your doubts and hold yourself back, what will happen – nothing!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">In closing, I am including one of my favorite quotes from growing up that relates to this idea and a link to the video for “I Hope You Dance” an old favorite of mine from Lee Ann Womack – Enjoy!</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 13pt;">"Dance like no one is watching, love like you'll never be hurt, sing like no one is listening, and live like it's heaven on earth."- William Purkey</span></b></div>
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Read more: <a href="http://www.rateitall.com/i-47211-dance-like-no-one-is-watching-love-like-youll-never-be-hurtsing-like-no-one-is-listeningand-live-like-its-heaven-on-earth-william-purkey.aspx#ixzz1U0mGGNhE"><span style="color: #003399;">http://www.rateitall.com/i-47211-dance-like-no-one-is-watching-love-like-youll-never-be-hurtsing-like-no-one-is-listeningand-live-like-its-heaven-on-earth-william-purkey.aspx#ixzz1U0mGGNhE</span></a></span></div>
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<strong style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000W1MDPW?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B000W1MDPW&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">I Hope You Dance</a> lyrics</strong><br />
<small style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>Songwriters:</b> Sanders, Mark D.; Sillers, Tia;</small><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I hope you never lose your sense of wonder</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">May you never take one single breath for granted</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">God forbid love ever leave you empty-handed</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I hope you dance</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I hope you dance</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Never settle for the path of least resistance</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth making</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Don't let some hell-bent heart leave you bitter</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">When you come close to selling out reconsider</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">[| From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/l/lee-ann-womack-lyrics/i-hope-you-dance-lyrics.html |]</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I hope you dance</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">(Time is a wheel in constant motion always)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I hope you dance</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">(Rolling us along)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I hope you dance</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">(Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I hope you dance</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">(Where those years have gone)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Dance</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I hope you dance</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">(Dance)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I hope you dance</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">(Time is a wheel in constant motion always)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I hope you dance</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">(Rolling us along)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I hope you dance</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">(Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I hope you dance</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">(Where those years have gone)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">(Dance)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Where those years have gone</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">(Dance)</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05640216604711387118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5713923983263425557.post-11908580388501694822011-07-21T12:33:00.000-07:002013-03-26T19:34:00.797-07:00On Opening Up Your Heart – and Living Wholeheartedly<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Dance of Human Connection</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">This past weekend, I had the opportunity to attend a wonderful <a href="http://www.biodanza.us/whatis.html">Biodanza</a> weekend retreat up at Harbin Hot Springs called “Heaven On Earth” – basically it was a workshop about affectivity and sensuality/sexuality, two of the key themes that Biodanza works with. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">When I first signed up for the weekend, I did not think very consciously about the topic that it was about – I was just eager to center my life more around activities that bring me joy – and Biodanza brings an overflowing amount of joy and connection into my life. Since November 2010, I’ve been regularly attending my Biodanza circle every Thursday night in the same safe space, with mostly the same group of people, the same fantastic teacher – my little nest. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">Meanwhile, in my personal life, since breaking up with my ex-boyfriend in mid-May, I’ve really been focusing a significant amount of energy on getting comfortable being by myself and on supercharging my personal growth journey – something I am still very committed to. I’ve been putting more energy into my professional development and taking this new <a href="http://www.cew.wisc.edu/cdf/default.aspx">CareerDevelopment Facilitator training course</a> that I’m enrolled in this summer. I’ve been trying out new and old yoga, pilates, and dance classes – a process of experimentation that I am continuing to enjoy. I’ve been getting more intensively into local Bay Area meditation groups and finding community among people who share that interest. I’ve been reading inspirational and educational books and blogs and getting into writing on this blog more than I ever thought that I would. I’ve been taking time that I never previously had to catch up on old and new Grey’s Anatomy episodes. And, I’ve been making efforts to connect more with people from my Biodanza circle outside of class. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">These are all wonderful things that have given me a hope and reassurance that there is plenty of joy out there in the world as a single person – in fact, as a single person, the world is kind of your oyster. I certainly haven’t been locking myself away in my room by any stretch – in fact, I am overjoyed to be growing closer with some wonderful new friends. For example, I went to go see the fabulous <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B007BECIVC?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B007BECIVC&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Happy</a> movie documentary which is slowly starting to circulate around the world with a big group of new friends on the 4<sup>th </sup>of July – a perfect way to spend the holiday in my opinion – I totally recommend seeing the movie if you have the chance.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">Still, despite the fact that I’ve been growing and changing and connecting out in the world this past few months, “taking things on the road” to this Biodanza workshop and exploring the topics of affectivity and sensuality / sexuality made me realize that in my own way, I have been closing myself off and placing significant emphasis on having things be ‘safe’ – I’ve been avoiding my vulnerability in order to avoid getting hurt – in a way my trust in relationships and the inherent given and take in relationship with others has been shaken over the course of my past few romantic partnerships. Now that I’ve seen how easy it is for me to lose myself in relationship, there is a part of me that is afraid to venture down that road again. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">It’s like I trust myself hitting a tennis ball against a wall and pat myself on the back for being a good “tennis player,” but the idea of actually playing a tennis match against another person seems way too complicated. That brings up the question – can you really play tennis or play the game of life and love all by yourself?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">For those of you who are wondering, affectivity is basically our emotional connectivity and solidarity with other people and sensuality / sexuality is basically our overall enjoyment of sensations and pleasure in the world. For more information about it and Biodanza, I encourage you to read more <a href="http://www.biodanza.us/whatis.html">here</a>, watch the Biodanza <a href="http://www.biodanza.us/media.html">videos</a>, and check out a <a href="http://www.biodanza.us/classes.html">class</a> if it ever comes to your area. </span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A badge from Brene Brown's website</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">For me, exploring these themes of affectivity and sensuality / sexuality up at Harbin Hot Springs this past weekend really opened me up in a way that I haven’t been open for quite some time – certainly not since I embarked on this more celibate, solitary path. It gave me excellent opportunities to test the new skills of standing my ground and speaking my truth that I’ve been working on and gave me many chances to let go, set my anxieties aside, and enjoy the present moment. I did Biodanza in a new space, with new people, with a new teacher – and even outside in nature from time to time – a big departure for me. </span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Excellent book!</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">This past weekend reminded me how vibrant and loving I can be while also giving me a chance to explore the topics of vulnerability which I’ve been exploring through the work of <a href="http://www.ordinarycourage.com/">Brene Brown </a>lately. I don’t have enough time to discuss all of her ideas today, but I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this woman’s work since I stumbled onto it a few weeks ago – I think she could become one of my main sources of inspiration and teachings. I’m partway through her book, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/159285849X?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=159285849X&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">The Gifts ofImperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who YouAre</a>, and I am finding it really helpful – almost as if she has been reading my mind! </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">A great initial introduction to Brene’s work is through her <a href="http://www.ted.com/talks/view/lang/eng//id/1042">Ted Talk video</a> available at this <a href="http://www.ted.com/talks/view/lang/eng//id/1042">link</a> or below – I encourage you to watch it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;"> In a nutshell, Brene has found that people who are “Wholehearted” (as I hope to be) believe inherently that they are deserving of love and open themselves up to it even though doing so requires them to be vulnerability – they love with their whole heart and aren’t afraid to be with whatever comes up in their lives as a result. I also came across this quote of the week in her <a href="http://www.ordinarycourage.com/">Blog archives</a> recently, and I feel that it really speaks to some of the things I am reflecting on coming away from the workshop this past weekend. I’m sure I will speak tons more about her work on this blog in the future!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">Finally, I am including a link to a great song by Modest Mouse, “<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0013FYKJS?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B0013FYKJS&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Float On</a>,” that I seem to have running through my head this morning – I find it reassuring and a great reminder to just go with the flow! </span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05640216604711387118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5713923983263425557.post-56793448193141143662011-07-02T22:04:00.000-07:002013-03-26T19:28:58.133-07:00On Mindful Vacationing - and the Joys of Traveling Alone<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">What an enchanting evening! </span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Her name is Kimberly, too!</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">Instead of going directly home after the career conference that I was at this past two days, I decided to stay in <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0756670403?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=0756670403&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">San Antonio</a> and enjoy an afternoon and evening in the city. While I have had many solo adventures in San Francisco the past few months and have tackled many airports and train stations by myself, this was the first time I can recall being a “solo vacationer,” particularly on a Saturday, prime weekend day and night - "date night" as it was once referred to in <u><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00004RFCM?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B00004RFCM&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Sex and the City</a></u> by Charlotte. (Note - picture of Kimberly from the following <a href="http://www.planeteyetraveler.com/2009/05/03/fiesta-noche-del-rio/">link</a>)</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">While traveling by yourself can at times make you feel isolated and somewhat sad, there are some remarkable things about it. I’ve found this weekend that I have been so much more observant and aware of everything around me – and less concerned about the details of traveling. It is fun to watch all of the people around me – families with their children, young adults out on dates, the staff diligently serving patrons, and groups of partiers living it up – it is neat to observe see the dynamics of their interactions unfold. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;"><b>Even better, I’m finding that if you can resist the temptation to bury yourself in a book or distract yourself with your smart phone (a hard thing to do), there are so many rich and delicious things to be mindful of while you are traveling</b>. This evening, I went down to the concierge station and bravely asked for a restaurant recommendation (something I ordinarily do not think to do) – and I ended up with the most delicious find – a delightful Tuscan Italian restaurant called <a href="http://www.tretrattoria.com/">Tre Trattoria</a> overlooking a park and horse drawn carriage rides and beautiful rustic style buildings. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">As each course of my meal came, I made a real point to savor each and every bite – to smell each sip of the wine and let it ease down my throat, let the marinated Portobello mushrooms and <a href="http://www.tripadvisor.com/LocationPhotos-g60956-d1379173-Tre_Trattoria-San_Antonio_Texas.html#31061379">gnocchi</a> move around my mouth before swallowing, and enjoy every rich bit of the decadent nutella / molten chocolate cake that I had for dessert. I interacted with the staff and the manager, listened to the soft classical and jazz music in the background, and watched the sun set slowly outside the window of the restaurant. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">Instead of being consumed by my conversation (or argument) with my dinner partner, I was instead consumed by the very experience of eating and enjoying delicate cuisine – it reminded me of the “Eat” part of <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0143038419?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=0143038419&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Eat, Pray Love</a></i> – and my own days studying abroad in Florence the summer after my freshman year in college and enjoying the rich wine and cuisine of Tuscany in abundance. While I am very much in favor of meditation and a focus on the basics, I can definitely see how cultivating a genuine love and appreciation for the joy of eating can make one’s life more joyful. One final plus of dining alone – I was able to double-dip my bread into the olive oil and no one cared!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">After dinner, I made my way down to the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005IYEOIM?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B005IYEOIM&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Riverwalk</a>, and managed to stumble into Spanish singing / dancing Mariachi Band concert (<a href="http://www.alamo-kiwanis.org/FiestaNoche.html">Fiesta Noche del Rio</a>) – in an outdoor amphitheater along the river –for $5 – donated to a children’s charity. What an awesome find! Rather than being consumed by pre-set expectations for the night, I bought my ticket and just went with it – the music was great, the performers were vibrant and colorful, and the environment was magical – it had a real historical, uniquely San Antonio feel. (Note - picture from the following <a href="http://www.squidoo.com/san_antonio_texas?utm_source=google&utm_medium=imgres&utm_campaign=framebuster">link</a>)</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Courtesy of Arellis49 on Flikr</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">Altogether, the evening was magical – it was such a treat to stroll along the <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/roscoe/2666332675/#/">Riverwalk</a> in a skirt and tank top completely comfortable with a pleasant breeze coming off the water – the breeze felt truly enchanting. Again, I probably would have noticed the breeze if I was traveling with a group, but not the degree that I was able to all on my own – I could feel it on my body, breathe it in my lungs, smell it in my nose – <b>the degree to which I perceived the sensory details of the experience was notably more intense than it has been at other times in my life</b>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">Of course, perhaps part of the reason I enjoyed the experience so much had less to do with the fact that I was by myself and more to do with the fact that I am becoming more mindful and making a point to “let go” and enjoy the experience of letting life unfold more – I am fully willing to admit that. I’ve also noticed positive effects of my being more assertive these days in my hotel stay – I just called the front desk to ask when the omelette station opens up at the brunch (because it wasn’t available this morning) and without blinking an eye, they compensated me for $25 of my dining charges – basically about as much as my breakfast was this morning – amazing! </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">Who knew all of these wonderful things could result from simply speaking up and honoring my experience – I didn’t get mean or make a big deal – I just asked some questions and stayed true to my desire to (ideally) have an omelet in the morning if I’m paying a significant amount for breakfast.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">Anyway, whether or not the positive experiences I have had on this trip have been due to my traveling alone or whether they’ve been the result of my personal growth (or a combination of the two), <b>I highly encourage each of you to travel by yourself at least once in your life if you haven’t yet had the opportunity – and I encourage you to practice mindful eating and mindful sightseeing the next time you are out and about in a city that it is not your own.</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">I’m curious, those of you reading this blog who feel inclined to comment –<b> have any of you ever taken a vacation trip on your own? Or made a point to be particularly mindful on a trip? How did it go? What did you learn from the experience? </b></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05640216604711387118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5713923983263425557.post-19988003898822734062011-07-02T13:47:00.000-07:002013-03-26T19:20:15.009-07:00On Early Role Models, Favorites, and Career Story<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;"> This weekend, I had the opportunity to attend a fascinating session at a career conference on Mark Savickas’s Career Story Interview. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">According to Savickas, the role models that people admired growing up reveal key elements of their character and ways in reach they responded to challenges growing up; their favorite books, TV shows, and magazines reveal the stage or environment in which they want to act out their careers; the script of their current favorite book or movie reveals the key chapter of their life story that they are currently acting out; and their favorite saying or motto reveals the best advice they have for themselves – the direction for their life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">For more details on Mark Savickas’s Career Story Interview and other key career development theories that he supports, here is the link to his most recent book on Amazon, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Career-Counseling-Theories-Psychotherapy-Savickas/dp/143380980X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1309637376&sr=8-1">Career Counseling (Theories of Psychotherapy)</a>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">In order to illustrate and learn this technique, I’m going to do my best to answer four or his Career Story Interview questions on this blog. Please feel free to comment on what you think my answers might mean – or feel free to answer the questions for yourself – I encourage you to share your story!</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 13pt;">1.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Who do you admire when you were growing up? Tell me about her or him. (3 key role models)</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">The first heroine that came to mind for me was <b>She-Ra, Princess of Power</b> – who had her own spinoff of the popular He-Man series. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">She-Ra was born as He-man’s twin sister but was kidnapped as a child and raised in the homeworld of Etheria by that world’s evil ruler, Hordak. He-man rescues her and eventually helps her remember her birthright as Princess Adora, and she works with a group of freedom fighters called the Great Rebellion to try and free her homework. She-Ra, like He-Man, has a double identity, morphing from the more youthful and innocent Adora to the powerful and wise She-Ra by invoking the saying,”For the honor of Grayscull, I am She-Ra!” </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">For some more background on She-Ra, see this <a href="http://articles.cnn.com/2010-10-06/entertainment/she.ra.anniversary_1_action-figure-skeletor-cnn?_s=PM:SHOWBIZ">article</a> about the 25th anniversary release of the show on DVD. Also, note this picture of She-Ra is courtesy of <a href="http://www.ferretbrain.com/articles/article-406">Kyra Smith / Ferretbrain.com</a>.</span></div>
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<u><span style="font-size: 13pt;">What does this mean for me?</span></u><span style="font-size: 13pt;"> As an only child, I grew up in a more sheltered existence and didn’t have much opportunity to serve as a mentor or leader until later in life when I realized that I really enjoy guiding others. Just as Adora had an alter ego full of wisdom and self-assured power, I am continuing to learn as I get older that I do as well. By being such an early fan of She-Ra, I believe I was expressing an inner desire to cultivate my inner strength and insight and use it to help others and “save the day!”</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Y-smVR6h5rA/Tg9-Ahk3KtI/AAAAAAAAAD8/4SQPukJhkZ4/s1600/Baby+-+Dirty+Dancing.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Y-smVR6h5rA/Tg9-Ahk3KtI/AAAAAAAAAD8/4SQPukJhkZ4/s1600/Baby+-+Dirty+Dancing.png" /></a></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">The second heroine that came to mind for me was <b>Francis “Baby” Houseman from the classic 80’s film, <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000IDEORY?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B000IDEORY&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Dirty Dancing</a></i></b>. I first saw that movie when I was about 5-6 years old, and my mom tells me I used to run around the house dressed just like her (as best I could) shouting, “I’m Baby, I’m Baby!” </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">In the movie, Francis is 18 years old and has the “Time of her Life” at Kellerman’s resort in the upskill Catskill Mountains. She comes from a fairly upper class family and a sheltered existence and has an idealistic heart and aspirations to join the Peace Corps and help others. She finds herself drawn to the various staff members running the camp rather than her fellow camp patrons and saves the day by filling in to learn a dance with Johnny, the dancing instructor, when his partner Penny gets “knocked up” and has to have an abortion on the night of their performance. (Picture courtesy of <a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://content7.flixster.com/question/37/61/42/3761425_std.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.flixster.com/quizzes/things-you-thought-you-knew-about-dirty-dancing&usg=__ZZFBdWSza3cFFSzkzHnb7407Q9U=&h=145&w=266&sz=9&hl=en&start=60&sig2=Pn2Yb5ORXpSgOHwV0MQ1rQ&zoom=1&tbnid=EdMQteGXgm5jnM:&tbnh=116&tbnw=212&ei=0fsPToT_GM2n0AGn8ZGKDg&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dfrances%2Bhouseman%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26biw%3D1152%26bih%3D505%26tbm%3Disch&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=194&vpy=290&dur=233&hovh=116&hovw=212&tx=115&ty=106&page=7&ndsp=10&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:60&biw=1152&bih=505">Flixster</a>)</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">In summoning up her inner strength and creativity to learn the challenging dance and in getting to know Johnny and the other staff members, Francis taps into confidence, integrity, and courage that she had not previously accessed – and risks her relationship with her family in order to help her newfound circle of friends. </span></div>
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<u><span style="font-size: 13pt;">What does this mean for me?</span></u><span style="font-size: 13pt;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">In addition to highlighting my longstanding love of dance, I think the deeper message from this role model is similar to that from She-Ra – despite growing up in a more sheltered existence and being protected from more counter-culture influences, there is a key part of me that wants to help the underdog, sees all people as being equal, and wants to tap into my inner strength and wisdom to help those in need. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">I think this role model also points to my desire to help others not through cleaning their wounds directly or fixing their car but rather from using my performing ability to their advantage or using my network and access to resources to assist them (as Baby does at one point in the movie where she goes and gets her Dad the doctor to assist a staff member having medical difficulties).</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nancy Drew</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">Finally, the third role model who comes to mind from my youth is <b><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001R11CJY?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B001R11CJY&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Nancy Drew</a>, the female amateur detective</b>. She is wealthy, smart, attractive, and confident – and uses her prowess to solve mysteries and help people. (Picture courtesy of <a href="http://www.lib.umd.edu/RARE/SpecialCollection/nancy/celebrating.html">University of Maryland Library).</a></span></div>
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<u><span style="font-size: 13pt;">What does this mean for me?</span></u></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">Once again, we have another role model who is both strong and feminine – so I’m seeing that there is a big theme there for me – wanting to use my intelligence, be assertive, and make a difference without having to take on a masculine demeanor or appearance. I also think this love of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/044809522X?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=044809522X&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Nancy Drew</a> highlights my passion for synthesizing knowledge, using my intuition, asking questions / being inquisitive and seeing patterns – these are all skills that Nancy Drew uses to solve her cases and are skills that I enjoy using whenever I can.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">As an academic advisor and coach, I really enjoy “peeling the onion” with clients to uncover the inner strengths and interests that are hiding just beneath the surface – when I’ve “solved the mystery” and figured out where their unique talents and contributions lie, I feel very excited. The challenge for me is to channel that intuition into being a good listener and helping them through creative methods to discover those talents and contributions for themselves rather than giving my report and trying to push my conclusions onto them. Seeing this role model leads me to wonder what other ways I could incorporate “solving the mystery” into my career path!</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 13pt;">2.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Do you read any magazines or watch any television shows regularly? What do you like about these magazines or television shows?</span></b></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UigdvCU_ST0/Tg9_9IrOpTI/AAAAAAAAAEE/asaIw4zS3E0/s1600/Psychology+Today+-+Dare+to+Be+Yourself.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UigdvCU_ST0/Tg9_9IrOpTI/AAAAAAAAAEE/asaIw4zS3E0/s200/Psychology+Today+-+Dare+to+Be+Yourself.png" width="151" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Great Magazine!</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">First of all, as I think about the books and magazines and internet sites that I read most regularly, they often relate to Self-Help, Psychology, Career Development, Personal Development, and Spirituality / the Meaning of Life - e.g. <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002PXVYNW?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B002PXVYNW&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Psychology Today</a>) I am almost always reading Non-Fiction books directed towards a popular audience – or Personal Memoirs. One of these days I am going to add in a reading list from Amazon and start sharing some of the many great books that I have encountered and am continuing to encounter. (Picture courtesy of <a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://cache.gifts.com/photos/C/S/4/N/CS4NQ6VCVTQY3LKPJNEY_L.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.gifts.com/search/product/Psychology-Today%3FprodID%3D171996&usg=__YH97hMKjc4QUiLcCXrQYjbzi31k=&h=250&w=189&sz=23&hl=en&start=0&sig2=SxldUvbMWb_z-2rYayCCjA&zoom=1&tbnid=Okwbx4aovFIacM:&tbnh=156&tbnw=118&ei=qvwPTsu3GeLs0gHJlb2VDg&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dpsychology%2Btoday%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26biw%3D1152%26bih%3D505%26tbm%3Disch&um=1&itbs=1&iact=rc&dur=2257&page=1&ndsp=14&ved=1t:429,r:11,s:0&tx=71&ty=82&biw=1152&bih=505">Gifts.com</a>)</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">The fact that I like these types of magazines, books, and internet sites confirms for me that I am acting in exactly the right stage as an Academic Advisor, Career Development Facilitator, and Student Advocate. It does, however, continue to lead me to think that I should give more serious thought into becoming a Life Coach and/or incorporating my spiritual beliefs more consciously into my professional practice.</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-TzxjONOsCk4/Tg-Du3Lfl2I/AAAAAAAAAEM/mwe1HUSHsJ4/s1600/Watch-Greys-Anatomy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-TzxjONOsCk4/Tg-Du3Lfl2I/AAAAAAAAAEM/mwe1HUSHsJ4/s200/Watch-Greys-Anatomy.jpg" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My Favorite Show!</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">The more revealing thing for me is thinking about why <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00005JO9J?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B00005JO9J&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Grey’s Anatomy</a> is hands down my favorite show – what is that? What does that mean?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">For one thing, my love of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00005JO9J?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B00005JO9J&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Grey’s Anatomy</a> likely signals my desire to be part of a helping profession – to assist people on a daily basis as the doctors in the show do when they diagnose, treat, and heal their patients. (Picture courtesy of this <a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.onlinemoneymatters.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/Watch-Greys-Anatomy-Season-7-Episode-2-Shock-to-the-System.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.onlinemoneymatters.net/2010/09/watch-greys-anatomy-season-7-episode-2.html&usg=__9tZvEcPvuKhgoYQJPIGwmQoSCqM=&h=400&w=301&sz=34&hl=en&start=0&sig2=ARPaMneCuP-45VVKXOal3w&zoom=1&tbnid=FpnFKtPtaOZpuM:&tbnh=155&tbnw=117&ei=jv0PTt7bDYb50gHe5LSeDg&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dgrey%2527s%2Banatomy%2Bseason%2B7%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26biw%3D1152%26bih%3D505%26tbm%3Disch&um=1&itbs=1&iact=rc&dur=403&page=1&ndsp=10&ved=1t:429,r:1,s:0&tx=63&ty=70&biw=1152&bih=505">website</a>).</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">I also really enjoy <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00005JO9J?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B00005JO9J&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Grey’s Anatomy</a> because the voiceovers and actors in the show convey a lot of wisdom – they live life to the fullest and are pursuing their dream careers. I admire their hard work directed towards fulfilling their life goals – goals that are directed more at saving lives than making tons of money.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00005JO9J?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B00005JO9J&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Grey's Anatomy</a> also appeals to my love of learning - I've always enjoyed reading or watching shows about training programs - I enjoyed <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0812550706?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=0812550706&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Ender's Game</a>, a science fiction novel for that reason, I enjoyed reading a book about a girl named Cherry (<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Cherry-Ames-Student-Nurse-Book/dp/0977159701/ref=sr_1_cc_2?s=aps&ie=UTF8&qid=1364350570&sr=1-2-catcorr&keywords=cherry+nurse+book" target="_blank">Cherry Ames Student Nurse</a>) as a little girl who was part of a Nursing residency program...throughout my life I been drawn towards accounts of people learning new skills and putting them to use - for that reason, working in higher education or some sort of training and development enterprise is and would be a good fit for me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">Finally - and most interesting to me – I also enjoy <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00005JO9J?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B00005JO9J&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Grey’s Anatomy</a> because I have a curiosity about medicine, health, and wellness. Most people who’ve spent any significant amount of time around me will tell you that I am a hypochondriac. When I have the slightest degree of illness, I am immediately Googling it, checking the symptoms on WebMD, and developing a treatment plan for myself – of both traditional and alternative means. When I see my doctor, I am a highly informed patient - and I ask questions to better understand my condition. In recent months, I've been intrigued by new modalities like acupuncture and Reiki and hypnotherapy and yoga that treat illnesses and injuries – particularly psychosomatic ones. Whenever a co-worker or friend is sick, I love being able to help direct them to the right medical provider and suggest potential treatments to investigate.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">What does that mean for me? Who knows? – I’ve never considered working in a hospital or medical environment, but maybe I should add it to the list as a back-up option. Perhaps I would be a good person to do career development or organizational development for a medical residency program? Maybe I should become certified in an alternative mind-body therapy and work that into my practice? Hard to say for sure – but some food for thought!</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 13pt;">3.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: 13pt;">What is your favorite book or movie? Tell me the story.</span></b></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Great Movie!</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">My current favorite scripted book or movie right now is <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0042816YK?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B0042816YK&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Eat, Pray, Love</a> – the movie version with Julia Roberts. As I mentioned in a <a href="http://careerintuition.blogspot.com/2011/06/physics-of-quest-on-lifes-lessons-and.html">previous post</a>, I just love her idea of the quest – of acknowledging uncomfortable truths about yourself and seeing each person as a teacher and each experience of your life journey as a clue. (Picture courtesy of <a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://img.greatpersonalities.com/pics/e/eat-pray-love-movie.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.greatpersonalities.com/eat-pray-love-movie/&usg=__cxeZ44X_HaM9MNk4HbAta-QsT9Y=&h=283&w=200&sz=18&hl=en&start=0&sig2=BH17vXxRD6hAFndzctDazw&zoom=1&tbnid=gw_wp68rB7raOM:&tbnh=165&tbnw=126&ei=4v0PTv3VD5O4twe_l9SZCg&prev=/search%3Fq%3Deat%2Bpray%2Blove%2Bmovie%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26biw%3D1152%26bih%3D505%26tbm%3Disch&um=1&itbs=1&iact=rc&dur=487&page=1&ndsp=9&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0&tx=40&ty=84&biw=1152&bih=505">this website</a>).</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">I believe that my love of this movie right now is encouraging me to continue on my own personal quest – to continue being mindful of each moment, keep growing and learning, bring more meditation into my life, and explore what it means to experience real joy. </span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 13pt;">4.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Tell me your favorite saying or motto.</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">My most consistent saying is the quote that goes out beneath my signature line on every email that I send out at work:</span></div>
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"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life"</i></b> – Confucius</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">I believe<b> this quote gives me direction or advice to continue staying true to my heart and searching for work that energizes my soul and brings joy and wellbeing into my life</b>. Luckily, there are many elements of my current job that I do really enjoy – which is one of the key reasons that I have stayed there for almost four years now. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt;">This quote challenges me to continue paying attention to how much or little I enjoy my job and <b>not be afraid to move on and try something new if things change and I no longer look forward to coming to work each day</b>. This quote challenges me to avoid becoming someone who dreads coming in on Monday morning and makes excuses about why I “have” to do my job. It lets me off the hook from the idea that I need to stay in any position mainly due to a sense of obligation – because in the end, life is too short. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13pt;">There will always be aspects of a job that feels like “work” – this quote is a bit idealistic in saying that you will never have to work a day in your life. Still, there is a noticeable difference in your professional living when you are doing something you love and value versus doing something just for a paycheck. <b>This quote encourages me to remember how important it is to enjoy what you do for a living – and </b><b>encourage clients to find the careers that engage their passions, interests, and values – bringing them much-deserved joy and fulfillment!</b></span><span style="font-size: 13pt;"></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05640216604711387118noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5713923983263425557.post-77685593082013873152011-06-29T22:40:00.000-07:002013-03-26T19:24:15.735-07:00On Dealing with Setbacks and Frustration – The Path of the Warrior<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">This has been a tough week for me so far – and today has been a challenging day. In just about every conceivable way, I have felt myself slipping back into old negative patterns and behaviors and losing ground in goals that I have set for myself. </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">I haven’t been getting enough sleep – which has made me overtired, cranky, and more anxious than usual. I haven’t written as much on this blog as I would like. I haven’t meditated as much and managed to miss both my Mission Dharma meditation group and the Hip Hop class that I was aiming to try out this past Tuesday. I’ve been stressed out and distracted at work – an inconvenient mind state to deal with when you are in the midst of a very busy time and have lots of tasks which need to get done right. Today was one of those days where I was frantically running around like a crazy person trying to get ready for a big day of advising calls tomorrow and a flight out of town tomorrow night – and I am not fully done yet. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">So, why am I taking the time to write about this in the midst of all this craziness? Why am I writing about this when I’ve admittedly felt tons of anger and discouragement and aversion and doubt today? Why am I sharing some of the very reasons why I am not an ideal model of enlightened behavior?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">I’m writing about this right now because <b>this is where the work comes in</b> – <b>this is the front line where the battle to awaken joy and foster peace in the world is fought</b>. If I am really sharing my journey of self-discovery with you, it is important that you not just see me when the view is breathtaking and I’ve reached the top of the next peak – it is important that you see the full range of the journey. I make no promises to be perfect, but I promise you I will make every effort in this blog to be authentic – to be real. Journeys and diets and any kind of “infomercial” type experience that you might see on TV – they all have ups and downs along the way. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.mytorontoweightloss.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/weight-loss-before-and-after.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://www.mytorontoweightloss.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/weight-loss-before-and-after.jpg" width="200" /></a></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">That previously 400-pound woman who is now 150 pounds and wearing a bikini on late night TV? I guarantee you – somewhere along the way of her new workout regime and carefully crafted meal plan, there was at least one moment (and likely several) where she skipped exercise class and was sitting in Krispy Crème staring down at a half eaten box of donuts about to call it quits. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">It’s one thing to commit to a goal or try to live more healthfully or develop Zen habits when the sun is shining and you are observing forward progress in yourself. It’s one thing to model positive behavior when people cheering you on surround you in spades. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><b>The real test comes when things don’t come so easily</b> – when you’re overtired or you get a flat tire or you hit a stressful time at work or someone picks a bad moment to point out your flaws – or you observe yourself slipping back into dangerous ground. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">What do you do then? Do you chuck it all to hell and give up the fight? Do you blame the world or your partner or your boss or the guy who crashed into your car for making you give up your dreams? Do you get angry and take out your bad feelings on someone else around you – ideally someone over whom you have power?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">In her book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1570629692?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=1570629692&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank"><u>When Things Fall Apart</u> </a>(Chapter 2 – When Things Fall Apart), Pema Chodron shares a story about taking on a new position as head teacher at an abbey and having to confront nasty truths about herself. She says, “What happened to me when I got to the abbey was that everything fell apart. All the ways I shield myself, all the ways I delude myself, all the ways I maintain my well-polished self image - all of it fell apart.” <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">She says that around that time when she was really struggling with all of the negative feedback she was receiving about herself, her teacher visited and said, “When you have made good friends with yourself, your situation will be more friendly, too.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Pema acknowledges that these moments…that I feel like I have been experiencing this week…<b>these moments are “a kind of testing that spiritual warriors need in order to awaken their hearts.” We can “shut down and feel resentful or we can touch in on that throbbing quality.”</b><b> </b> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">I was so tempted today to be angry at my co-workers today, get mad at the person at Office Depot who kept me on hold for 12 minutes, and blame the day and the conditions around me for my unhappiness today. Hell – I did feel those feelings – I did feel anger and resentment and aversion today. I still feel some of those feelings now.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">But – there were little snippets where I awakened – even just for a moment – and saw what I was doing. There were moments when I took a deep breath and counted to 10 and was gracious and open-minded. There were moments when I focused on things for which I am grateful today – for instance, I had a wonderful phone conversation with an old friend today, my Office Depot order came out perfectly, and I had a tasty dinner. There was a moment this evening when I was walking from work to Office Depot to run an errand and I realized suddenly that it was a beautiful night – that the sky was still blue and it was still light out and there was a pleasant breeze – and I was happy. There were little moments in there were I was happy in the midst of all the aggravation and frustration and “bad luck.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Have you ever gotten into a “bad streak” and started to predict that the rest of your day was going to be awful? I definitely have…I’ll notice it’s raining and miss the bus and walk in late to work and the next thing I know I’m predicting that the whole day is going to suck and the world has it in for me. But – there’s no guarantee that that is the case – the next moment could be great. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">And – if you notice that you are getting angry or resentful or acting in a way that contradicts your values, don’t beat yourself up over it – rejoice in the fact that you noticed. <b>The very fact that you’ve noticed you are off track is a sign that you are awake</b>. Just like you send the distracting thought on its merry way and focus your attention back on the breath during meditation, in moments of struggle, you can send that negative behavior on its way and approach the next moment with compassion and understanding and vulnerability – with mindfulness of the present moment and the feelings that you are experiencing. You can reconnect with your inner Buddha nature at any moment – it’s never too late.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><b>Every moment is a new opportunity – a second chance to be peaceful and share your light with the world.</b> So we fell off the wagon and failed a little – so what? What matters is what we are going to do in the next moment – are we going to give up horseback riding altogether or are we going to get back on the horse and keep going?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">As <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1570629692?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=1570629692&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Pema</a> says (at the end of the earlier chapter 2):<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">“To stay with that shakiness-to stay with a broken heart, with a rumbling stomach, with the feeling of hopelessness and wanting to get revenge – that is the path of true awakening. Sticking with that uncertainty, getting the knack of relaxing in the midst of chaos, learning not to panic-that is the spiritual path. <b>Getting in the knack of catching ourselves, of gently and compassionately catching ourselves, is the path of the warrior</b>. We catch ourselves one zillion times at once again, whether we like it or not, we harden into resentment, bitterness, righteous indignation-harden in any way, even into a sense of relief, a sense of inspiration.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Every day we could think about the aggression in the world, in New York, Los Angeles, Halifax, Taiwan, Beirut, Kuwait, Somalia, Iraq, everywhere. All over the world, everybody always strikes out at the enemy, and the pain escalates forever. Every day we could reflect on this and ask ourselves, <b>‘Am I going to add to the aggression in the world?’</b> Every day, at the moment when things get edgy, we can just ask ourselves, ‘<b>Am I going to practice peace, or am I going to war?’”<o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">That passage brings me a great deal of comfort and encouragement when I am struggling against the negative emotions in my head like I have been today – I hope it will bring you support as well. I’m also including the link to a song that I discovered recently from an old <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00005JO9J?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B00005JO9J&linkCode=xm2&tag=mycainblsfgim-20" target="_blank">Grey’s Anatomy</a> episode – “Turn and Turn Again” by All Thieves – I listed to it several times today – and it has brought me much peace. For those of you who don’t have access to audio right now, I’m including the lyrics below as well. Enjoy!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><u><span style="font-size: 13pt;">“Turn and Turn Again” – All Thieves<o:p></o:p></span></u></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13pt;">Worn from walking this far<br />
So worn from talking this much<br />
And what we found and what we've seen<br />
As the road curves down<br />
<br />
And the lights come up to meet us<br />
Silent for the evening<br />
We enter this town<br />
Like new born creatures<br />
<br />
Those I know I see anew<br />
And the space between us is reduced<br />
<b>For I am human<br />
And you are human too</b><br />
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So turn and turn again<br />
We are calling in all the ships<br />
Every traveler, please come home<br />
And tell us all that you have seen<br />
<b>Break every lock to every door<br />
Return every gun to every drawer</b><br />
So we can turn<br />
And turn again<br />
<br />
Only priests and clowns can save us now<br />
Only a sign from God or a hurricane<br />
Can bring about<br />
<b>The change we all want</b><br />
<br />
And we've done it again<br />
This trick we have<br />
<b>Of turning love to pain<br />
And peace to war</b><br />
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We're just ash in a jar<br />
<br />
So turn and turn again<br />
We are calling in all the ships<br />
<b>Every traveler, please come home<br />
And tell us all that you have seen</b><br />
Break every lock to every door<br />
Return every gun to every drawer<br />
<b>So we can turn and turn again</b> (x2)</span><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05640216604711387118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5713923983263425557.post-85470788049589969492011-06-24T19:19:00.000-07:002011-12-09T00:31:30.828-08:00On Appreciating the Fragile Nature of Life<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><style>
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<div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">It is a glorious sunny day, and I am sitting on my favorite (okay only) chaise lounge by the window watching the sun is streaming in through the blinds and feeling a delicate breeze sweep across my arms as I type. It is one of those beautiful days that makes grateful and happy to be alive. Given all of that, I am going to write to you today about <b>death</b>. Why? Because once again, death is on my mind – and I figured it would be good to share some of my thoughts about it with you.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">You see -- unlike some of my peers who blissfully go through life assuming that they are invincible and never let such a somber topic cross their mind, I think about death on average about once every day, sometimes more. I’m not entirely sure why.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-VEfGOacu_Cg/TuG9nvdibcI/AAAAAAAAAHY/bYfya_gguck/s1600/Kimberly+and+Chris+First+Weekend+Home+1+095.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-VEfGOacu_Cg/TuG9nvdibcI/AAAAAAAAAHY/bYfya_gguck/s200/Kimberly+and+Chris+First+Weekend+Home+1+095.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My Totaled Toyota Corolla</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">It could be because I’ve had one close colleague die suddenly of a brain aneurism and one close colleague die of a heart attack within the past three years. It could be because I’ve had several near death experiences in the past 10 years – I’ve gotten hit by a car crossing the street, ran my car spinning in circles off the road, ended up in the ER due to an electrolyte imbalance, and most recently fell down a flight of stairs a few month’s ago. It could be because I live in Earthquake country and the next big one could happen any second. It could be because I love Grey’s Anatomy (which takes place in a hospital with people dying) or because I live in a culture that predicts the end of the work in 2012 and constantly emphasizes plane crashes and gas explosions and natural disasters on the news. </span></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">I suspect it is due some combination of all the factors that I’ve mentioned…and probably other subtler factors of which I’m not even fully conscious. Either way, it doesn’t really matter – the fact is, lately I think about death at least once very day – sometimes on the bus, sometimes walking home, often late at night on this very chaise lounge. </span></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Usually I am alone – and I wonder if I’m going to make it until my next interaction with someone- or if this is it – right here. I suppose in a way it’s a symptom of spending more time alone lately. Usually we spend our whole frantically running from activity to activity trying to avoid the natural fragility of life – and I’ve made a point to stop doing that. I’ve made a point to start focusing as much attention as possible on the present moment because it is all we really have.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">To be clear, when I think about death each day, I am not thinking about wanting to die – I am not contemplating suicide or ways to kill myself. No, quite the opposite – <b>I want to live</b>. <b>I want to live very much</b>. I want to continue this great adventure for as long as I can. I want to die at the ripe age of 97 or 102 – with grandkids and great-grandkids running around at my funeral. I want to find and marry a life partner and ride the waves of a long-term committed relationship that lasts beyond the 7-year itch. I want to wax poetic with new generations of students about the wee old days when there was no Internet and people looked up dry cleaners in the phone book and movie listings in the newspaper. I want to learn new things, write a book, get pregnant, go on a silent retreat, take a cruise somewhere beautiful, and experience everything that this life has to offer. </span></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;"> </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><a href="http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQuXj1zRL9Q_Uqzc8MAypGpXteD8Yf6HQUY7W-EbR6QA43s7UUIYatcjtpu" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQuXj1zRL9Q_Uqzc8MAypGpXteD8Yf6HQUY7W-EbR6QA43s7UUIYatcjtpu" width="149" /></a></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Yet – I’d be naïve to assume that I’m going to live forever.</span></b><span style="font-size: 13pt;"> I’d be deluding myself to keep missing the present in my quest to get to the future – as we all frequently do day after day. Even if I <b>were</b> lucky enough to live another 60 years, I’d be kidding myself to assume that hundreds of loved ones aren’t going to die and leave me by the time I get there. <b>In time, every single person in my life – including me – is going to die.</b> We are human – it’s what we do. We are born, we live, and we die. </span></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Beginnings and endings are the very fabric of life. Every day, we’re surrounded of examples of them– my Biodanza teacher just got engaged (new beginning); an acquaintance of mine just had a new baby (new beginning); the Bombay Creamery ice cream store in town just closed (ending –and I never even got to try it); an acquaintance of mine just had a baby (new beginning); a colleague of mine is leaving USF (ending).</span></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">From what I’ve heard in dharma talks, Buddhists say that it’s not necessarily bad for us to form connections to things and have relationships – to enjoy living, to enjoy a favorite possession, etc. It’s not bad that I want to live and have goals for things that I’d like to achieve in my life. One famous Buddhist teacher has a favorite mug that he likes to drink tea out of – and someone asked him one time if liking that mug wasn’t really a form of attachment. The teacher answered him that he loves that mug – but yet it doesn’t make him suffer because every time he looks at it, he pictures it falling to the ground and shattering to pieces – in other words, he knows it is precious because it is not going to be there forever – he loves and appreciates it – but he is not resisting the natural law of impermanence – he is not resisting the fact that someday it will not be with him.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">I wouldn’t say I enjoy thinking about death on a daily basis – it is not an experience that I would call pleasant. Still, it is an experience that wakes me up and encourages me to appreciate every moment; to appreciate every person – and to remember the utter preciousness of life. It also seems to prepare me for some of the losses that I know I will experience – so that hopefully when they happen I can take them in with as much ease as possible, feeling grateful for the times that I have had with those people and those practices near and dear to my heart.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-lyfjH2FblWM/TuG_7vEmqhI/AAAAAAAAAHg/at5i5ud6sN4/s1600/Chile+and+Argentina+Vacation+December+06+050.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-lyfjH2FblWM/TuG_7vEmqhI/AAAAAAAAAHg/at5i5ud6sN4/s320/Chile+and+Argentina+Vacation+December+06+050.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">While there is so much more than I want to achieve and experience in my life, I am extremely grateful for everything that I have been able to see and do and learn so far. Looking back over the years, it feels like I have lived several lifetimes over already – each phase of my life has brought out a different element of my essence, a different part of my personality. I have so much wonder and amazement thinking about the places I’ve seen, the people I’ve met, and the ideas and practices that have been shared with me. I feel lucky to live in one of the most picturesque cities on earth. <b>I don’t know where or how much longer the ride will take me – but I know one thing – it’s been an amazing ride so far. :)</b></span></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">To close for tonight, I’m including below a link to a song which always makes me think of death when I listen to it – “Somewhere, a Clock Is Ticking” by Snow Patrol – it’s a bit haunting but very moving. I’m also including a voiceover from the Season Six finale of Grey’s Anatomy that speaks to some of these ideas – it was from an episode where the husband of a deceased patient came into the hospital and started shooting doctors and bystanders at random to avenge the death of his wife (and you wonder why I think of death all the time…) </span></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://sherylbarker.wikispaces.com/file/view/barker_s.jpg/43560343/barker_s.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://sherylbarker.wikispaces.com/file/view/barker_s.jpg/43560343/barker_s.jpg" width="147" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sheryl Barker</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Finally, to balance out the “death” song, I’m also including a link to “Wish You Well” – a song by Kate Herzig that makes me think of my two dear colleagues who passed away in recent years – Sheryl Barker and Eugene Muscat. <b>Sheryl and Eugene – wherever your spirits live on, I wish you well – you both touched my life in so many positive ways. </b></span></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Enjoy – and thank you for reading!</span></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><b><span style="font-size: 13pt;">6.24 Death And All Of His Friends</span></b></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://eugenemuscat.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/muscat_e1.jpg?w=135&h=183" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://eugenemuscat.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/muscat_e1.jpg?w=135&h=183" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Eugene Muscat</td></tr>
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<b>Derek:</b> <b>The human life is made up of choices.</b> Yes or no. In or out. Up or down. And then there are the choices that matter. <b>Love or hate</b>. To be a hero or to be a coward. To fight or to give in. To live. Or die. Live or die. That's the important choice. And it's not always in our hands.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Derek:</span></b><span style="font-size: 13pt;"> Yes or no. In or out. Up or down. Live or die. Hero or coward. Fight or give in. I'll say it again to make sure you hear me. The human life is made up of choices. <b>Live or die. That's the important choice. And it's not always in our hands.</b></span></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><u>Snow Patrol - "Somewhere, a Clock Is Ticking" </u><b><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/PLg7zXlgNus?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><u><span style="font-size: small;">Kate Herzig - Wish You Well</span></u></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/dtjd-Qtrz-E?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05640216604711387118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5713923983263425557.post-80603870786108620362011-06-18T23:05:00.000-07:002011-12-09T00:30:45.137-08:00On Connecting With Love In Unexpected Places<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><style>
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<div class="MsoNormal"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wAzkJOguSa0/TuG2lEZrnFI/AAAAAAAAAHI/RWP7dfqAQNI/s1600/TrottaFam2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wAzkJOguSa0/TuG2lEZrnFI/AAAAAAAAAHI/RWP7dfqAQNI/s320/TrottaFam2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Six years ago today, on a sunny and glorious Saturday, I married my ex-husband Chris in a ceremony surrounded by family, friends, and loved ones. There was not a single cloud in the sky, and the ceremony took place in an outdoor tent overlooking a clear blue lake – I felt loved, connected, supported and full of love and gratitude for everyone around me. It appeared to be a perfect start to a lifelong journey together for my ex-husband and me.</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Jo7lJoQhtjw/SkqSfu8KFhI/AAAAAAAAHek/9B7URasH3sw/s400/Kornfield%27s+Spirit+Rock+Marin+CA+SF+Examiner.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Jo7lJoQhtjw/SkqSfu8KFhI/AAAAAAAAHek/9B7URasH3sw/s320/Kornfield%27s+Spirit+Rock+Marin+CA+SF+Examiner.bmp" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Six years later, on an equally sunny and glorious Saturday, I spent today in the company of mostly strangers on a daylong retreat given by <a href="http://www.springwasham.com/index.php?page=day_long" target="_blank">Spring Washam</a> up at Spirit Rock Meditation Center in Marin County, California entitled, “Free Your Heart: A Transformational Workshop for Exploring Love and Connection.” </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">When I first signed up for this retreat, I didn’t give much conscious thought to the fact that it was going to be held on the date of my old wedding anniversary. I signed up for the retreat because I had heard Spring give a dharma talk in the past and really enjoyed it – and because as many of you know, I have really been working with the themes of love and connection in my life lately. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Still, when I got up this morning to head out the retreat, I found myself wistfully pondering how much has changed in the past six years. Six years ago, I would have never guessed that I’d be living alone in San Francisco, California in a studio apartment. Six years ago, I would have never guessed that I’d be divorced and getting out of yet another relationship. Six years ago, I would have never guessed that I would find the idea of getting up at 6:30 am and going to spend Saturday at a meditation retreat an appealing idea. Yet, here I am – this is my life now – a lot can change in six years time – and this morning I was feeling both a sense of wonder and bitter sweetness about it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.springwasham.com/images/daylong.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://www.springwasham.com/images/daylong.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Luckily, this workshop was the perfect place for me to be this morning – because the many interactive activities that we shared as a group together reminded me of the many connections that we as humans can have. So many times, when we are asked to think of love or connection, our minds immediately go towards thinking of romantic partnership – i.e. whether we are single or in a committed relationship, getting into a relationship or getting out of one, married, divorced, separated, etc. Many of the people in the workshop expressed some variation of their romantic partnership status when asked why they chose to come to the workshop today. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">But, <b>there are so many other connections available - and so many sources of love available to each one of us.</b> Connection to friends; connection to family; connection to co-workers; connection to pets; connection to community... </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Most important of all, <b>we can love and connect to ourselves</b> – by being present with whatever sensations, thoughts, and feelings we are experiencing – and by honoring and accepting whatever comes for us in each moment. <b>We can treat ourselves with loving-kindness and compassion - the lovingkindness and compassion that is each of our birthright. </b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://meditation.dmc.tv/images/articles/pictureB/Love_heart1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="196" src="http://meditation.dmc.tv/images/articles/pictureB/Love_heart1.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><b>I've often heard that in order to truly love another, you must first love yourself </b>-<b> increasingly I am coming to see the truth in that statement.</b> Our teacher's insight this morning was that if you don't first love yourself, your love for the other person will always have an element of grasping to it - a desire for your affection to be returned, a desire for the other person to fulfill your need for love - a need that can feel like a bottomless well if you don't first fill up that well with love for yourself. I have found her insight to be very true in my experience - and I am really working on practicing loving-kindness towards myself for that very reason. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Next, if we happen to be apart from our friends and family and loved ones, we can love and connect with those people who are around us – even if they are strangers to us. We did an activity today where we broke into smaller groups, and each person in the group took turns sharing for four minutes…”If you really knew me, you’d know…” over and over again – saying whatever come forward in their mind each time. After we got past the initial surface thoughts, deeper thoughts were revealed – and a strong sense of connection was forged once we each got below the surface and shared our vulnerability with each other. I was comforted to discover that while I’d initially assumed that each of my counterparts had it all “together,” we each had our own combination of strengths and flaws – none of us were perfect, but we were all beautiful inside. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">You are unlikely to have the opportunity to do that activity with the woman you are sharing the bus stop with or the man you are standing next to in the grocery store – but the activity really got me thinking about the tenderness and goodness that lies within every one of us. We also did a rather intense activity later in the day where we stared into the eyes of another person for 5-10 minutes and were asked to think various things about them in sequence such as the goodness and strength that lies inside them or the pain and suffering that they have been through. As we did, I was amazed at how much my interaction with the person whom I was with was affected by the stories that I was creating in my mind about him. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">What if instead I was thinking about how evil his intentions were or how hard he was trying to make my life difficult? – as we often do about people who cut us off in traffic or grab the last order of something we were hoping to acquire Instead of finding reasons to judge or ignore strangers whom you encounter; when possible, I encourage you to find momentary points of connection in your everyday interactions.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://mirnakas.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/resizeofmanonrockoriginal1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="http://mirnakas.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/resizeofmanonrockoriginal1.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Another less commonly thought of connection is our connection to the cosmos – our connection to all beings – to the universe at large. Meditating and learning about dharma teachings – about the suffering that all beings experience – helps me to feel more connected to the great fabric of human experience. I also feel connected to the greater human fabric when I enjoy artistic works – like listening to music, watching a movie, or reading a good book – because many times those pieces speak to an element of my experience that is common to all – and I don’t feel so alone – because I’m not the only one who has experienced whatever I am currently experiencing. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><b>Suffering is a key aspect of life</b> – that was one of the Buddha's main teachings. It our very effort to try and avoid the basic suffering that comes with life experience that make us feel the most pain. Spring Washam got her start with inner city communities and was amazed to discover during her teacher training at Spirit Rock that everyone experiences suffering – “rich” people and great spiritual leaders, too – no one is immune to loss and delusion and desire and suffering. <b>Take comfort in the fact that you are not alone in experiencing difficulty and troubles - there is nothing to be ashamed about - we are part of the same tribe</b>. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_lECmfubuuBY/SqVsCNq3FQI/AAAAAAAAGTM/hnv47b3apH4/s1600/babemba.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_lECmfubuuBY/SqVsCNq3FQI/AAAAAAAAGTM/hnv47b3apH4/s200/babemba.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Spring told us about a <a href="http://margaret-cooter.blogspot.com/2009/10/traditional-values.html" target="_blank">tribe in Afrika</a> where when tribe members commit a crime, the entire village stands around them for days and showers them with love and reminders of their most redeeming and precious qualities - rather than punishing them, they take the time and care to remind them of their natural goodness inside. We then acted out a rendition of this idea - and hearing everyone's encouraging comments about me and sharing loving comments with each of of the other participants made me feel really warm and grateful inside.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">All in all, it was a wonderful day – and a wonderful reminder of how much opportunity there is for connection in my life – even while I am in between relationships and on this celibate path. <b>When we finished the day today, I felt a great sense of fullness and joy – and I felt truly loved – basically the same way that I felt six years ago today when I stood under that tent surrounded by those near and dear to my heart</b>. I felt love in my heart for myself, for those in the room with me, for my friends and family and loved ones scattered throughout the country, and for all beings. And I felt their love with me in return. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://souledout.org/healing/love/magneticheart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="110" src="http://souledout.org/healing/love/magneticheart.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-size: 13pt;">What a wonderful way to come full circle – to learn that it is possible to find that same fullness and joy in more than one setting – in fact, I am discovering that it is possible to find that fullness and joy in many settings – sitting by myself writing this blog knowing that those of you out there in CyberSpace are reading it (thank you!); sharing vivencias with my fellow Biodanza participants, revealing layers of myself in interactive retreat settings; and even sitting by myself doing lovingkindness meditation (although it is still a challenging practice for me!). What a relief and sense of freedom to know that w<b>e are not limited to feeling fullness and joy in only one setting – love and connection are ready and available all around us</b> – we just have to see and appreciate them and be ready to open ourselves up and take them in.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">To close for this evening, I am going to share two favorites of mine. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">First, down way below is the link to a YouTube clip of one of my favorite songs by Maria Taylor – "A Good Start". Whenever I listen to this song, I am reminded of how interconnected we all are – and how interconnected life is – the ups and the downs, friends and foes – they are all part of the same universe – and all each of us can do is try to be present and give our best in every moment.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51le74MhuxL._SL500_AA300_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51le74MhuxL._SL500_AA300_.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Second, this is a set of quotes / dialogue from one of my favorite movies, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Contact-Snap-Case-Jodie-Foster/dp/0790733226/ref=sr_1_4?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1323415999&sr=1-4" target="_blank"><u>Contact</u></a>, with Jodie Foster and a bunch of other great actors. The movie came out in the late 1990’s and is based on Carl Sagan’s work. In it, Jodie Foster is a scientist who studies space to see if there are any signs of life out there beyond our planet (which science increasingly suggests there is). She initially considers herself a scientist and therefore above faith and anything unable to be proven by fact. This causes her conflict with “Palmer,” a minister referenced in the quote for whom she has a love interest (played by Matthew McConaughey). </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Jodie (Ms. Arroway) and the other earthlings are sent a communication from space which gives instructions for building an elaborate space travel machine to connect with their community – and in an elaborate dreamey like sequence, she does – even though it looks to all bystanders like the spaceship crashed, the mission failed, and she is crazy. She “returns to earth” to share her story for the world and is brought before a key panel to testify regarding what happened. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 13pt;">As Jodie's character testifies below – she comes to realize that faith and science may not be so separate after all – and she does her best in her own way to reassure all of us that there is life out there and we are not alone in this universe (as she has previously felt all of our life). This dialogue encapsulates my favorite part of the movie – and one of the main reasons that it is one of my favorite movies – I encourage you to see it if you haven’t yet had the opportunity – either way, enjoy this quote (courtesy of IMDB.com). I also found the actual clip on Youtube and attached if below for those of you who have access to video and sound.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;"> </span><b><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Panel member</span></b><span style="font-size: 13pt;">: Doctor Arroway, you come to us with no evidence, no record, no artifacts. Only a story that to put it mildly strains credibility. Over half a trillion dollars was spent, dozens of lives were lost. Are you really going to sit there and tell us we should just take this all... on faith? <br />
[<i>pause, Ellie looks at Palmer</i>] </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><br />
<b><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000249/">Michael Kitz</a></b>: Please answer the question, doctor. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><br />
<b><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000149/">Ellie Arroway</a></b>: Is it possible that it didn't happen? Yes. As a scientist, I must concede that, I must volunteer that. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><br />
<b><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000249/">Michael Kitz</a></b>: Wait a minute, let me get this straight. You admit that you have absolutely no physical evidence to back up your story. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><br />
<b><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000149/">Ellie Arroway</a></b>: Yes. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><br />
<b><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000249/">Michael Kitz</a></b>: You admit that you very well may have hallucinated this whole thing. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><br />
<b><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000149/">Ellie Arroway</a></b>: Yes. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><br />
<b><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000249/">Michael Kitz</a></b>: You admit that if you were in our position, you would respond with exactly the same degree of incredulity and skepticism! </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><br />
<b><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000149/">Ellie Arroway</a></b>: Yes! </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><br />
<b><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000249/">Michael Kitz</a></b>: [<i>standing, angrily</i>] Then why don't you simply withdraw your testimony, and concede that this "journey to the center of the galaxy," in fact, never took place! </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://blackboxblue.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/contact_jodie-foster_05.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="139" src="http://blackboxblue.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/contact_jodie-foster_05.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><br />
<b><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000149/">Ellie Arroway</a></b>: Because I can't. I... had an experience... I can't prove it, I can't even explain it, but everything that I know as a human being, everything that I am tells me that it was real! I was given something wonderful, something that changed me forever... A vision... of the universe, that tells us, undeniably, how tiny, and insignificant and <b>how... rare, and precious we all are! A vision that tells us that</b> <b>we belong to something that is greater then ourselves, that we are *not*, that none of us are alone!</b> I wish... I... could share that... I wish, that everyone, if only for one... moment, could feel... that awe, and humility, and hope. But... That continues to be my wish.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118884/quotes?qt=qt0379377">Link to the Quotes from IMBD</a> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><u>Contact</u> - Video Clip </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/-FbSPXC4btU?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">A Good Start - Maria Taylor </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/hCtHsJz6uBs?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;"> </span></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05640216604711387118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5713923983263425557.post-86051063649563371962011-06-17T00:25:00.000-07:002011-12-09T00:30:10.621-08:00On Embracing Uncertainty - and Resisting the Urge to Attach<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><style>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">As I’ve mentioned once or twice on this blog, <b>I have decided to take a vow of celibacy</b> – a vow of celibacy to last until I am comfortable and satisfied being by myself and no longer depend on partners or external attachments to make me happy. Until I <u>would like</u> the enrichment of a partner in my life but do not feel a compelling <u>need</u> to have one in order to be “whole.” </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.accessrx.com/blog/files/media/image/You%20Complete%20Me%20Cruise%20Better.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://www.accessrx.com/blog/files/media/image/You%20Complete%20Me%20Cruise%20Better.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Unlike Jerry McGuire, I ideally would not like to tell my next partner, “<a href="http://www.americanrhetoric.com/MovieSpeeches/moviespeechjerrymaguireimissmywife.html" target="_blank">You Complete Me</a>.” I want to get to a point where I feel in every fiber of my being that “I Complete Me” – and a partner would just be icing on the cake. Once I know in my heart and my gut that I have reached that point - then I can open my heart to explore all of the wonders that the dating pool has to offer - then I can open up to the possibility of meeting my next life partner when the universe sees fit to bring us together.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">When I first broke up with my ex-boyfriend a month ago, this seemed like a relatively easy vow to make – our lives were so wrapped up with each other during our relationship that the new space and freedom in my life seemed like a breathe of fresh air – I was eager to go out into the world and explore everything that it has to offer. I believe this attitude of creatively and appreciate is one to try and maintain at all times as best you can – some like to call it a “Beginner’s Mind."</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://singlemindedwomen.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/42-16105236-430x308.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="143" src="http://singlemindedwomen.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/42-16105236-430x308.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-size: 13pt;">This week, some of the “work” of my celibacy vow has started to come in as the initial excitement has worn off, and I’ve begun to truly internalize the fact that I am alone for the time being in this journey of mine. Sure, I have tons of friends and loved ones and people to interact with along this adventure, but in the end, I’m the only one on my particular itinerary – this is a solo trip - there is no one to depend upon but me (and God). </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">As the excitement has faded and the work of maintaining the commitment has set in, many questions have arisen in my mind. What does a vow of celibacy really mean to me? Should I go on dates with people? Should I meet friends for tea? Am I isolating myself too much? Too little? Am I still continuing to make the most of what life has to offer given that I could die any moment now? Am I still giving and sharing enough love with the world? How can I and should I meet my natural human desire for intimacy during this period of celibacy? As you can see, lots of questions have arisen – and I don’t yet know all of the answers to those questions. To some degree, I am going to have to play this one by ear – listening carefully to my gut along the way.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://michaelhyatt.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/Creating-a-Life-Plan-3D-Cover.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="174" src="http://michaelhyatt.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/Creating-a-Life-Plan-3D-Cover.png" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Other things have come up for me as well. Desire and grasping have been a big theme in my world this past week – one of the five hindrances that we learn about in the dharma. Rather than focusing on the present, I have found myself desiring for others’ company and frantically searching the Internet for training programs in every modality under the sun to join – basically just another way of searching for another person or another thing to define me and center my life around - old habits die hard. As Howard Cohn likes to mention in his teachings at Mission Dharma, I have been falling into the delusion of thinking, If I have X…or if Y happens…or if I am with Z…<b>THEN</b> I’ll be happy, then <b>Life Will Be Grand. </b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Just like a impatient soul eagerly wanting to skip ahead to the end of a great book in order to see what happens…I find myself wanting to skip past this juicy and exciting period of exploration and attach myself to something once and for all – to become a life coach or a yoga teacher or a Biodanza instructor or a Reiki practitioner or a Hypnotherapist – or an ordained Buddhist minister – or better yet all of them – already – and be there tomorrow! In my delusion and desire and discomfort with uncertainty, I am forgetting that this period of exploration - of trying things on for size - is the <b>FUN PART</b>!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">I encourage you to all think of a time in your life when you have fallen into the same patterns of delusion – when you’ve been job searching and have been eager to just quit the process and <b>FIND A JOB</b> already. When you’ve been going on dates and exploring the dating pool and have been eager to just <b>FIND A MATE</b> already. When you’ve been visiting grad schools and applying to programs and have been eager to just <b>FIND A PROGRAM</b> already. We’ve all been there, right?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://cf.mp-cdn.net/8b/60/013846ceb1b23bdcb40346e5fe6d.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="165" src="http://cf.mp-cdn.net/8b/60/013846ceb1b23bdcb40346e5fe6d.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-size: 13pt;">The problem is – when we get to that point in our lives…that delicious and precious time when the world truly is our oyster and we can follow just about any fork in the road – we miss the very beauty of it by hurrying along to <b>GET TO THE END ALREADY</b>. We rush the process in order to avoid the uncertainty – rather than embracing the possibilities that it brings. Life is full of opportunity costs, and we can’t have everything – that’s a basic lesson that my Economics degree taught me. Every hour that I spend going to Biodanza class or writing this blog is an hour I can’t also spend getting some sleep or reading a favorite book – life is all about choices. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">But – <b>right before you make that choice – there’s that beautiful, pregnant pause…where it really does seem like you can have it all</b> – where the possibilities are endless and you can’t possibly dream how it’s going to turn out. <b>Don’t miss it – it’ll be pass by in a flash before you know it.</b> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Poof – your kids will be all grown up already. Poof - you’ll become a Certified Yoga Instructor – and think wistfully about the time when you were seriously considering becoming a Biodanza teacher instead. Poof - you’ll settle into the work of writing term papers and going to class, but think back to how nice it was when the schools were working hard to recruit you rather than grade you on the quality of your output. Poof – someday (hopefully) I’ll be married with two kids, a dog, a picket fence, and a successful career as a Life Coach (or ???) – and I’ll think back wistfully to this time in my life when I had endless time and energy to do whatever I wanted – whatever compels me at each given moment – without any obligations or responsibilities. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.empoweredjourney.com/uploads/3/0/3/9/3039229/417211.jpeg?318" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.empoweredjourney.com/uploads/3/0/3/9/3039229/417211.jpeg?318" /></a></div><b><span style="font-size: 13pt;">This time – right now – is a precious gift for me (and for you).</span></b><span style="font-size: 13pt;"> If I can stay present with it and embrace the uncertainty and opportunities that my life holds – and if I can continually ask myself, <b>“What do I want to do right now?”</b> this can be a magical time for me. If I can resist the usual urge that emerges right at this time in a breakup – once the dust settles – to throw myself headfirst into a new relationship or commitment in order avoid my discomfort with being alone and get off this shaky ground, <b>I have a feeling that I’ll find riches beyond belief in this "define as I go, celibate path of self and life exploration" that I am on</b>. May you find joy in whatever path of exploration you are on as well – <b>moment by moment, step by step</b>.</span></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05640216604711387118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5713923983263425557.post-39109628717600023302011-06-12T23:54:00.000-07:002011-12-09T00:52:54.048-08:00On Asking For What You Want<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.davidwygant.com/blog/wp-content/uploads//6a00d8345189aa69e20148c85f6601970c-320wi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="256" src="http://www.davidwygant.com/blog/wp-content/uploads//6a00d8345189aa69e20148c85f6601970c-320wi.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><style>
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 13pt;"></span><b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="singlequote"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">"A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success."</span></span><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><br />
<span class="authorname">- Bo Bennett</span></span><span style="font-size: 13pt;"> </span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Earlier this evening, I had the opportunity to ask a spiritual leader whom I follow for assistance with some retreats that I will be helping our Young Adult Dharma Council organize during the upcoming year. We are hoping he can introduce us to some younger teachers in the area to speak at retreats and possibly help us host a few retreats at his new spiritual center. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">This was the first time that I’ve really reached out to this teacher outside of the more formal “lecture” environment (i.e. raising my hand and asking a question during the discussion portion of the evening), so I didn’t (and still don’t) really know the protocol for approaching him individually. Still, my motives are good and I could swear that I’ve seen other people approach him before, so I went up to speak with him during our break. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">He seemed receptive to the idea of helping us but quickly interrupted me as I was describing what we were trying to do and said that now was not a good time or setting to discuss our request. I gracefully said not a problem, I understand – and we exchanged numbers with the understanding that I will follow up with him later this week to discuss things in more detail. All in all, a perfectly good outcome – and very reasonable considering that he appeared to be preparing for his upcoming talk. He was in no obligation to give me his phone number which is not listed on our sangha group’s website – so you’d think I’d feel pretty pleased with myself and proud of myself for having the guts to approach him with our request.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://veronicagraham.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/woman-crying-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="173" src="http://veronicagraham.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/woman-crying-2.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Instead, as he shared with me that “this was not a good time to talk,” I felt myself fighting back tears and getting emotional. I’m pretty sure that I hid it outwardly, but I had to make my way to the restroom shortly after I spoke with him to compose myself before rejoining the larger group. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">As my initial desire to cry started to ebb, I observed a second inclination to shut down and run away from him – basically aversion to the sadness that I was feeling. A wave of thoughts ran through my head - thoughts about what a mean teacher he is (which he’s not)…how I’d show him by switching to a different group (which would be stupid)…how that’s the last time I’d try to organize a sangha event (which would be a real loss)…you get the idea. Basically, I wanted to do anything I could to show that I was boss of the situation, and I was going "show him" and avoid feeling that sort of discomfort in the future. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 13pt;">So, not a very good dynamic, right? Where’s the learning – why am I sharing this story on this blog? </span></b><span style="font-size: 13pt;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://profile.ak.fbcdn.net/hprofile-ak-snc4/50332_34049643348_3732_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://profile.ak.fbcdn.net/hprofile-ak-snc4/50332_34049643348_3732_n.jpg" /></a></div><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Well...this evening, as I wrestled with all of these emotions, it occurred to me in a brief moment of wisdom to examine these feelings and sensations in my body with curiosity and mindfulness. That was the first gem from the experience - and how I was able to remember so many details about these emotions that I experienced this evening. The mindfulness that I cultivated also helped me to avoid taking actions as a result of my feelings that I would have later regretted – like storming out of the sangha group or something silly like that. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Also, by taking the time to notice with curiosity what was going on in my mind and body, I connected feeling these same sensations and having these same instinctual reactions at other times in my life when I’ve asked for something that I have wanted and either been refused or had an awkward response to my request. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Alright, so that's interesting…why do I have such marked reactions to these situations?</span></b><span style="font-size: 13pt;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">For one thing, these feelings arise when I have made myself vulnerable – i.e. when I have put myself out there – and feel any sense of rejection or dismissal from the person to whom I have opened myself up. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/droolicious/2009/02/heart%20flower2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/droolicious/2009/02/heart%20flower2.JPG" width="95" /></a></div><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Second, these types of interactions cue up my inner child – who is hyper vigilant about wanting to meet others' expectations. She desperately wants to be a good little girl and not break the rules or wander into places where I am not supposed to go. Deep inside of me, my inner child experiences distress when I am even gently chastised for coloring outside the lines or doing something societally unacceptable – for not acting in a way that I “should” have. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Finally, these types of situations are particularly hard for me if I sense even a hint of pity from the other person – particularly if I’ve made a request of them that they cannot meet, and I project that they are trying to let me down easily or feel uncomfortable having to respond to my request. The people pleaser in me feels guilty for bothering them and regrets introducing awkwardness into their life.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">While I am not proud of having these reactions and creating all of these story lines in my head, I am glad that I took the time to notice them this evening because it made me realize another skill that I ought to strengthen. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Currently, I have been focusing much attention in my personal growth process on becoming more comfortable speaking up about my truth and letting other people down more directly – basically doing exactly what my spiritual teacher did in this situation – i.e. he took care of his needs directly while still approaching me with a spirit of loving-kindness and giving what he felt that he could in the moment. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://askthecognitivebehaviortherapist.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/raise-your-hand.jpg?w=300&h=291" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="194" src="http://askthecognitivebehaviortherapist.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/raise-your-hand.jpg?w=300&h=291" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-size: 13pt;">That is definitely an important skill for me to develop, but equally important is learning to break through these barriers that I have created that are holding me back from asking for what I want. <b> </b><b>Because if I don’t ask for what I want, I am not very likely to get it!</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><b></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><b></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><b></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><b></b>On the career front, I do a slightly better job asking for what I want; still, there are definitely times that I hold back from asking for a raise, avoid requesting permission to attend a conference – or ask for only half of what I want rather than starting with what I really want - all because I am trying to avoid the awkward feelings that I felt tonight when someone tells me “No.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">On the personal front, this hesitancy has played a significant role in my relationships over the years - and is a key area of opportunity for me. Looking back over previous occasions that I had to ask a guy to a formal dance in high school and college, I always went with the “safe” choice rather than actually asking the guys whom I actually had crushes on – i.e. I asked the guys whom I was sure would say “Yes” just to avoid the awkwardness of hearing the dreaded “No.” I neglected to ask the guys with whom I felt a spark of natural chemistry - for all I know, they could have had a thing for me as well and have been equally shy about it! </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">As an adult, I’ve yet to really allow myself the luxury of considering who I want to be with and then going after guys who fit that profile or guys for whom I feel a real attraction. A common thread among guys whom I have dated for a long amount of time (with one exception) is that they are persistent – i.e. they pursued me, and I felt enough initial attraction back to go along for the ride. My lack of assertiveness <u>and</u> lack of discernment combined has so far made me a pretty passive participant in the dating pool. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">The only time in my life that I can recall feeling an attraction to someone and going after him, I had a wonderful experience – full of ups and downs and nights wondering if he would call – but also a great deal of excitement and passion. And that was the result of only one shot - those are pretty good odds! Who hasn’t heard stories of famous inventors or actors who experienced years of rejections and refusals and failures before finally attaining a great deal of success in their field? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://cdn.thedailylove.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/deviant13.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://cdn.thedailylove.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/deviant13.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><b>Who knows what would be possible – in career and in love – if I just asked for what I wanted – and kept on asking for what I wanted until I got it?</b> If wasn’t afraid to put myself out there every now and then – even if sometimes the response is no? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">I have a hunch that a LOT would be possible – and I intend to find out – no matter what feelings I have to experience along the way! </span></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05640216604711387118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5713923983263425557.post-72757219514249096922011-06-11T22:16:00.000-07:002011-12-09T00:53:12.610-08:00On Loving Yourself and Embracing Your Personal Brand - Right Now<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-30a9OOh9d_M/TuFw-_fvcpI/AAAAAAAAAG4/d38TCS3QoiE/s1600/How+to+Market+Your+Brand%2527+15.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="247" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-30a9OOh9d_M/TuFw-_fvcpI/AAAAAAAAAG4/d38TCS3QoiE/s320/How+to+Market+Your+Brand%2527+15.png" width="320" /></a></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Several weeks ago, I gave a presentation to a local job search support group on “How to Discover and Market Your Personal Brand.” If you are interested in viewing it, you can do so here: <a href="http://www.slideshare.net/kknowles727/how-to-discover-and-market-your-personal-brand">How to Discover and Market Your Personal Brand.</a></span></div></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><style>
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">As I was putting together this presentation, I noticed myself feeling some anxiety about putting myself and my brand out there – I felt like somehow it was premature to discuss my brand while I still consider myself a work in progress. Authenticity is important to me and important to branding – and I didn’t want to somehow misrepresent that I'm some expert who has it all together when I don’t - I'm just as imperfect as everyone else. There was an inclination to assume that I should wait to present who I am and what my key strengths and contributions are until I have everything 100% figured out – until I have finally “made it.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Similarly, on the dating front, many of you know that I am currently focusing on trying to stay single and celibate and get really comfortable with myself – before I re-open myself to love and enter the dating pool once again. At times, I find myself making a list of all of the things I need to do before I will someday be prepared to meet my next life partner – e.g. I want to cultivate a regular meditation practice, figure out which hobbies are most important to me, develop a regular cleaning / housework routine, figure which qualities I am really looking for in a mate, and grow saavy and confident at knowing and speaking my truth so that I can address conflict in a timely manner. That is a lot of accomplish before I am “ready” for love!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://seesaraheat.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/how-to-create-a-list-in-html.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://seesaraheat.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/how-to-create-a-list-in-html.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Have any of you ever made lists like these in your life? For example, are any of you waiting until you do “X” (make partner, buy a house, finish your degree) before you have kids? Are you any of you waiting to do “Y” until you propose or get married? Are any of you waiting to get to “Z” before you have the courage to open your own business or branch off into your dream career? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">I bet you have…we all have ways of robbing ourselves of the present moment, of delaying gratitude, of withholding love from ourselves until we achieve our inner critic’s demands… but <b>what if you have already arrived</b>? <b>What if all we ever really have is right now?</b> If you knew that this was going to be the last week of your life - how much would you or I care about all of the things on our list? <b>Would we be ready to set aside our excuses and pursue our dreams later - or right now? </b></span><b><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Would we be ready for love later – or right now? </span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">This afternoon, I attended a <a href="http://www.youngadultdharma.org/" target="_blank">Young Adult Dharma Council Retreat</a> with Howard Cohn on love and how we open and close ourselves to expressing and receiving it. As part of the retreat, we worked with the idea of lovingkindness – giving love and kindness to others and ourselves. For many of us, giving love to ourselves is the hardest part.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">As part of my healing and growth process, I’ve been loosely following the 12 steps, and several of those steps deal with making amends to others you have harmed in your life with your dysfunctional behaviors. Through recent reflection, I have determined that my conflict avoidance, disorganization, and discomfort with being alone have allowed me to bring harm to several individuals in my life – mainly ex-partners and old friends. This past week, I wrote them emails to apologize for what I have done and say my peace. While I wouldn’t say doing that was easy, it actually felt fairly natural for me to do so once I put my mind to it. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://thegrownupchild.ca/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/20090708_perfectionist.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://thegrownupchild.ca/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/20090708_perfectionist.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-size: 13pt;">The harder thing for me to do is make amends to myself – to forgive myself, quit being so hard on myself, quit holding myself to such a high standard – particularly when I am focusing on all of the negative patterns that I have brought to my life so far! Bringing love and care to myself is less easy to do – my perfectionist and people pleasing tendencies run deep and get in the way of truly honoring and appreciating me – <b>accepting and loving myself just for who I am – right now – no improvements necessary.</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">This afternoon at the retreat we learned a new lovingkindness technique that worked really well for me. Howard (or Howie as they like to call him) told us that when we are having difficulty feeling lovingkindness towards ourselves in meditation to instead picture people in our live who love and support us unconditionally or times in our life when we have felt loved and supported unconditionally and bring those feelings and images to mind. For example, picture those people giving you a big warm hug or caressing you or gently showering their love and attention upon you. In my case, I pictured my mom and dad, my good friends here and across the country, and my Biodanza circle, and I immediately felt a dramatic positive change in my constitution.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">We then had the opportunity to draw a picture to capture those feelings or one of those experiences that we brought to mind, and I drew the following picture of our Biodanza circle from class:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: center;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;"> </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-d0Pg9z0N-d8/TfRF6FqKXSI/AAAAAAAAADw/rqme9wbcETE/s1600/Biodanza+Lovingkindness+Photo+-+6+11+11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-d0Pg9z0N-d8/TfRF6FqKXSI/AAAAAAAAADw/rqme9wbcETE/s400/Biodanza+Lovingkindness+Photo+-+6+11+11.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">We then had the opportunity to share our picture and our feelings with a partner and later the class at large – and I felt a weight lift off of my shoulders and true feeling of connection – to the people I had pictured in my reflection and my drawing as well as the people in the class with me and the world at large. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Someone asked the teacher why it is so much harder for us to love and care for others rather than ourselves, and he said that he heard of a recent Harvard Researcher Amy Cuddy who has found that people evaluate other people based on how warm and kind they are while they evaluate themselves by how competent they are (the article/blog that I believe he was referencing is linked here: <a href="http://brooks.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/04/20/matter-over-mind/">Matter Over Mind</a>). </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><b>If you changed the game and focused on how warm and kind you are rather than how competent you are, how would things change?</b> It might not change your entire life but it certainly might change your experience of the present – which is all we really have in the end.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">On my journey of self-discovery, I am learning that the destination is less important the myriad of stops and experiences along the way. If we rush hell-bent to get to the end of the journey, we’ll miss the magic and wonder – the turns and twists up and down and along the way. What is that saying? Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">I’ll close for now with one of my other favorite sets of voiceover quotes from Grey’s Anatomy episodes. These ones are from Episode 5.23 – the season finale of Season Five when Meredith Grey's fellow intern George dies and the life of her fellow intern Izzie hangs in the balance – an episode that brought me to tears the first time I saw it – and one that brought home to me just how special everyone in my life – near and far – are to me – and how precious every moment is. <b>For those of you who know me personally – thank you for the moments we have shared together and the way that you have changed my life for the better by being in it</b>.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="background-color: white; color: #351c75; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Opening:</span></i><span style="font-size: 13pt;"></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #351c75; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://images2.fanpop.com/images/photos/6300000/George-and-Izzie-Off-I-Go-greys-anatomy-6307034-491-584.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://images2.fanpop.com/images/photos/6300000/George-and-Izzie-Off-I-Go-greys-anatomy-6307034-491-584.jpg" width="269" /></a></div><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Doctors spend a lot of time focused on the future. Planning it. Working toward it. But at some point, you start to realize, <b>your life is happening now, not after med school, not after residency, right now</b>. This is it, it’s here. Blink, and you’ll miss it. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #351c75; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="background-color: white; color: #351c75; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Closing:</span></i><span style="font-size: 13pt;"></span></div><div style="border-color: -moz-use-text-color -moz-use-text-color windowtext; border-style: none none solid; border-width: medium medium 1pt; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; padding: 0in 0in 1pt;"><div style="background-color: white; border: medium none; color: #351c75; padding: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Did you say it? I love you? I don’t ever want to live without you. You changed my life… did you say it? <b>Make a plan. Set a goal. Work towards it. But every now and then, look around. Drink it in. ‘Cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow. </b></span></div><div style="border: medium none; padding: 0in;"><br />
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</div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">I lied - one last thing - I’ve included the link to a song which I’ve been listening to lately which really brings these sentiments for me to mind – “Everything, All at Once” by Correatown. It’s less panic-inducing then the voiceovers; more peaceful – it sets my mind at ease while reminding me what's important. You can listen to it via YouTube below: </span></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><object class="BLOGGER-youtube-video" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0" data-thumbnail-src="http://0.gvt0.com/vi/-J9V197V_cw/0.jpg" height="266" width="320"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/-J9V197V_cw&fs=1&source=uds" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><embed width="320" height="266" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/-J9V197V_cw&fs=1&source=uds" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05640216604711387118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5713923983263425557.post-43257280889966287912011-06-07T23:12:00.000-07:002011-12-08T18:12:18.395-08:00On Love, Breakups, and the Serenity Prayer<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><style>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3341/3298474835_26641d0ffa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3341/3298474835_26641d0ffa.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div style="color: black;"><b><span style="font-size: 13pt;">God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.</span></b></div></div><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: right;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">- Reinhold Niebuhr</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><b>The Serenity Prayer.</b> Widely adopted by all forms of twelve step programs for good reason – these are powerful words.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">I emailed my ex today to share with him that in the end although I broke up with him initially to get out of the bad situation that our relationship had caused for me, I have come to realize that just don’t love him enough to be his life partner; that I was not fundamentally ready to make a choice about who to love him (or anyone) when I met him because I was not (and am not) yet fully comfortable with being by myself. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">I did this in part to apologize and make amends for causing him so much pain by not coming to this conclusion earlier and breaking up with him before our relationship went as far as it did. I did this because I see him making efforts to change and seeming like he’s trying to win me back, and I wanted to clear my conscience – to clear up any misconception, let him know that I encourage his efforts to heal himself but that ultimately he should not be doing them with the expectation of us getting back together. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://loveintherooms.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/freedom-2-300x300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://loveintherooms.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/freedom-2-300x300.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-size: 13pt;">I wanted (and still do want) to help him begin the process of moving on as soon as possible so that he can someday be with someone who will love him back fully in the way that he deserves. And – if I were to admit it deep down – I did it to try and free both of us – to clear the air and say my peace so we could both go our separate ways without any entanglements still holding us together.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">After sharing all of this with him, I reiterated that I do not think we should have contact with one another – that I won’t ask him to stop emailing me or coming to meditation if he finds those things helpful, but that I won’t respond to his messages out of the care and concern to try and give him (and us both) space to heal.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Of course, nothing is as easy as it seems.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">In his response back to me, he challenged my message to him on several key grounds:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">1.<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 13pt;">I can’t “make up my mind” that he is not the right partner for me because we each only exist in the present and he is changing moment by moment – i.e. he is not the same person who I was in a relationship with and will continue to be different each time that we interact.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">2.<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 13pt;">He believes that my commitment to “unloving” him and avoiding him is just as reactionary as my original efforts to make myself love him were while we were together.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraph" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">3.<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 13pt;">He makes no promises to avoid me or not say hello to me at events where we both happen to be in attendance although he commits to not to be disrespectful or abusive. He plans to continue using groups that I frequent and practices that I follow in his healing path. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 13pt;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://blog.redfin.com/sandiego/files/2008/02/sinking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="http://blog.redfin.com/sandiego/files/2008/02/sinking.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>????</b></span> </span></div><span style="font-size: 13pt;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Now what? </b></span> Luckily I was already on the way to a meditation group when I read his email, and I had an opportunity to reflect on the whole mess during our sitting and even our dharma talk – which as it turned out was on the fact that we cannot control (many of) our experiences – only our attitude and reaction to them. How appropriate – and wonderfully beneficial that I was able to be there for that talk. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">I can’t overemphasize the value of turning yourself over to helpful practices when you are in distress – get yourself to the gym or sit down to meditate or listen to music – whatever it is that works for you. Whatever hint of wisdom is in your body – follow it and get yourself there.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">-----</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Anyway, when you break up with someone, you receive lots of advice from friends, therapists, family, loved ones – to maintain your resolve, give you and your partner space to heal, stay out of contact, be consistent in your messaging, etc.. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Obviously if you are in a physically abusive situation and you are being stalked or assaulted, you need to do everything that you can to get out of that situation – get a restraining order, pack up and move to Nova Scotia, join the Witness Protection Program, etc. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">But what do you do if things aren’t quite that simple? What do you do if it’s just awkward and harder to heal around your ex – not downright abusive or confrontational? What do you do if you are each trying to heal yourselves and keep bumping into one another on that path? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Sigh.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">I have to admit – in many ways, my ex is right. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">None of us can predict the future – and we only live in the present – so I really can’t say with absolute certainty what role he and I will play in each other’s lives going forward – I can only observe what exists moment to moment. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.iloveyoumotherearth.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/letting-go.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://www.iloveyoumotherearth.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/letting-go.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-size: 13pt;">I believe in my heart that we are not meant to be romantic partners, but <b>I need to let go of the need to control my experience and trust God’s will – or in dharma talk – trust what will unfold in each moment</b>. I know that right now I don’t love him as I believe one should love someone they are going to spend the rest of their life with. For now, I am doing my best to be vocal and upfront about what is in my heart.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">But, I also believe that I need to do more personal growth work before I will be ready to make a conscious choice about a life partner. So - I would be negating the power of the teachings that I am choosing to follow if I didn’t admit that I have no idea what will be in my heart and my gut when that time comes. Given that, anything is possible – who knows? - maybe I will end up partnered up with Arnold </span><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Schwarzenegger in a year now that he seems to be available.</span><span style="font-size: 13pt;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Finally – I don’t really have grounds for a restraining order, so barring moving to Nova Scotia or going out of my way to avoid my ex – taking me away from activities that I love – I can’t really stop him from coming to Meditation or Biodanza or coming up and saying hello to me when our paths cross. Nor would I really want to stop him from continuing to grow and discover activities that I believe are very worthwhile.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Sigh…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Which returns me to the <b>Serenity Prayer</b>:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 13pt;">God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.</span></b></div><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: right;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">- Reinhold Niebuhr</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">So, I’ve pretty much summed up what I <u>can’t</u> control in this situation – so given the above prayer, what <u>can</u> I control?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">1.<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 13pt;">I <u>can</u> control whether or not I initiate contact with him or personally invite him to any activities.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin-left: 0.25in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">2.<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 13pt;">I <u>can</u> control whether or not I respond to any contact and whether I accept or gracefully decline any invitations or requests that he makes. I can also take as much time as I would like to respond back with an answer – I do not have to immediately respond to a request if I am not ready to do so.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraph" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">3.<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 13pt;">I <u>can</u> control (or at least do my best to control) my reaction towards him when we happen to come into contact with one another – to try and avoid letting hindrances cloud my thoughts. I can maintain the spirit of loving-kindness that I have towards him and focus on being mindful and open to whatever comes up for me moment by moment when he is there – to notice what I am experiencing in my body and mind.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">4.<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 13pt;">I <u>can</u> continue to support his efforts to heal and bring more peace into his life – I can accept and see the changes that he is making and continue to cheer him on in his efforts from wherever I am – I can see him as he truly is in each moment.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin-left: 0.25in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">5.<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 13pt;">I <u>can</u> continue to strengthen my solar plexus chakra and clear seeing chakra (third eye) so as to know my truth and speak my truth when we are together – that will help to neutralize any attempts to control or manipulate me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraph" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">6.<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 13pt;">I <u>can</u> involve my intuition and my gut in all decisions from here on. I can ensure that I not enter a relationship with anyone (him included) unless both of those two things are fully on board. When I truly listen to my intuition and my gut, they never lead me astray.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraph" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">7.<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 13pt;">I <u>can</u> continue to develop my independence and grow more comfortable each day with being alone so that I will never again make a decision about a relationship based on dependency or a desire to be rescued.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraph" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">8.<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 13pt;">I <u>can</u> continue to prioritize having healing, wholesome positive events and people in my life – whether or not he happens to also be there when I am at those events and around those people.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraph" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">9.<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 13pt;">I <u>can</u> consistently prioritize getting a sufficient amount of sleep, eating healthily, and exercising regularly so that I will be at my very best in every interaction in my life.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraph" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">10.<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Finally – as was mentioned in the dharma talk tonight – I <u>can</u> control my attitude towards whatever life throws at me – I can make a conscious effort to be fully present in each moment and not get off track with thoughts about the past or the future – after all, all we have is the present. I <u>can</u> see every person as a teacher and every experience as a clue and do my best to learn from each moment as they come.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">In the end, ultimately, we cannot fully control the environment in which we do our healing any more than we can control anything else in our life. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">A speaker at our SF Insight Sangha a few weeks told a story of a Buddhist who went on retreat in Asia thinking that he was going to this peaceful site up in the mountains to get away from the Western world where it was going to be beautiful and serene and he was going to sit in silence and meditate. Much to his chagrin, the whole retreat center was under construction – so every day there were hammers clanging and bulldozers going and lots of real love chaos to contend with. So much for meditating in peace and quiet, right?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.fitnessgoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/Radical-Acceptance-Accepting-What-is-Both-in-Yoga-and-Life.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://www.fitnessgoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/Radical-Acceptance-Accepting-What-is-Both-in-Yoga-and-Life.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-size: 13pt;">When life happens and things don’t go the way that you planned or want to arrange them to be, what do you do? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Sigh.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">All we can do is fall back on these very powerful words…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.</b></span></div><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: right;"><span style="font-size: large;">- Reinhold Niebuhr</span></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05640216604711387118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5713923983263425557.post-39794435172435040752011-06-05T23:22:00.000-07:002011-12-08T17:54:43.273-08:00On Doubt, Anxiety, and Life's Great Adventure<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><style>
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</style> <span style="color: black; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14pt;">This evening at our weekly <a href="http://www.sfinsight.org/" target="_blank">SF Insight</a> Meditation and Dharma Talk, I met some really nice new people and accessed some powerful insights related to doubt, anxiety, and life's great adventure, which I would like to share on this blog. </span><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; text-align: center;"><a href="http://images.elephantjournal.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/meditation.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="211" src="http://images.elephantjournal.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/meditation.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14pt;">Several weeks ago, while in the midst of moving out of the apartment that I shared with my boyfriend, I attended our weekly sangha meeting and listened to a talk that Eugene Cash gave on Doubt. In that talk, Eugene mentioned that as with the other hindrances (<a href="http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/10/5-obstacles-in-meditation----seth-segall/" target="_blank">Desire, Aversion, Restlessness, and Sloth/Torpor</a>), if you pay mindful attention to them as they emerge in your mind and body and simply accept that they are there with you, something happens – they lose their hold on you and become less powerful. </span></div><div style="color: black;"><br />
</div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14pt;">Since that talk, I have had many opportunities over the past few weeks to have doubts about these new steps that I am taking in my life – I’ve wondered if I could really pack up all of my stuff and move it across town; I’ve wondered if I can really end a relationship that has been a big part of my life for the past 2 years; I’ve wondered it was appropriate to sign a one-year lease and stay here in San Francisco for another 12 months; I've wondered if I could leave behind our cat; I’ve wondered if I could really handle living alone – you name it, I’ve encountered doubt about it in the past few weeks. </span></div><div style="color: black;"><br />
</div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14pt;">These experiences have provided me with a golden opportunity to really study and explore doubt as it manifests in my life – and what I’ve discovered is just what Eugene shared. As I’ve been able to observe and label moments when I've been doubting or worrying by just saying, “Oh, right, there’s doubt,” the charge in the doubt itself has released, and I’ve been able to sit with the feeling much more easily and let it pass on its own time. Try it yourself – see if it works for you as well. Identifying and labeling a feeling or hindrance can been a very useful tool.</span></div><div style="color: black;"><br />
</div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14pt;">I also discovered something else very meaningful for me just as we sat for tonight’s talk. I started to reflect on the more wholesome and solitary lifestyle that I’ve adopted in recent weeks and started to wonder if I would really be able to sustain it in the same fashion for weeks…months…years…at a time. In other words, will I eventually get to a point where I feel lonely for human connection, for friends, for partners and not be able to find them? Will I eventually tire of meditation and yoga and reflection and yearn for more fun activities and parties in my life (again, assuming that for some reason I wouldn't be able to find them at that point)? Have I bitten off more than I can chew with these new steps in my life?</span></div><div style="color: black;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.banklawyersblog.com/.a/6a00d8341c652b53ef010535dc546f970c-800wi" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://www.banklawyersblog.com/.a/6a00d8341c652b53ef010535dc546f970c-800wi" width="320" /></a></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14pt;">I started to observe my mind running off like a runaway train on this trail of worry and doubt…and all of a sudden, I heard a voice saying…whoa…wait a minute…don’t get ahead of yourself – just focus on the present. It was probably Eugene’s voice…or the voice of one of the guest teachers that we’ve had recently or my Awakening Joy teacher, James Baraz. Either way, I suddenly remembered to focus only on the present – i.e. how am I doing right now? What am I experiencing right now – and can I handle it in this moment? This is a very powerful technique – and stopped this runaway train of thoughts right in its tracks. After all, none of us knows what is going to happen in the future – all we have to handle in any given moment is right now – because that is all we have. Moment by moment, as I observe my experience and ask myself if I can handle it, I am discovering the self-affirming truth that, “Yes, I can!” </span></div><div style="color: black;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.originalquill.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/baby-steps.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://www.originalquill.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/baby-steps.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14pt;">This just reminded me of the movie <a href="http://www.amazon.com/What-About-Bob-Bill-Murray/dp/B00004RJ73" target="_blank"><u>What About Bob</u></a> from a few years back where Bill Murray was a patient of a psychiatrist with significant anxiety and obsessive compulsiveness about everything in daily life – and his psychiatrist kept telling him, “Baby steps, just take baby steps,” and this worked really well for him – i.e. baby steps out to the lobby, baby steps to the elevator, baby steps out the door…you get the picture. It sounds simple and funny – but it actually works. </span></div><div style="color: black;"><br />
</div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14pt;">The next time you feel overwhelmed and frightened and think that you can’t possibly handle what life is handing you…e.g. you’re going through a relationship breakup, you just lost your job, you just lost a loved one…and the grief and worry seems too much to bear – try this technique – and just focus on the present, just focus on what you can handle “right now” – and then handle the next moment when it arises…and so on. Just sit with the feelings as they arise in the moment and don’t worry what you are going to do an hour from now, or two days from now, or a month from now…just focus on what you are thinking and feeling right now and get through <b>this moment</b>.</span></div><div style="color: black;"><br />
</div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14pt;">Not only is this focus on the present a useful technique for dealing with difficulties, it also illuminates the fact that life truly is a big adventure – i.e. we never know what possibilities the future holds. The moment or opportunity that you have been waiting for your whole life could literally be right around the bend – and the tragedy that you thought might be your life’s ruin may in retrospect turn out to be your greatest gift. </span></div><div style="color: black;"><br />
</div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14pt;">There’s a great chapter on this in Pema Chodron’s book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Fall-Apart-ebook/dp/B0041VYNW0/ref=sr_1_cc_3?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1323395162&sr=1-3-catcorr" target="_blank">When Life Falls Apart</a> – I actually think that is the title of the chapter itself. She tells about a Chinese family who were devastated when their only son fell off a horse and was severely injured – until a few weeks later the village went to war and all of the young and healthy men were sent to go fight. Their son's injury turned out to be their greatest gift because it allowed him to stay home and care for them. The point is - we just don’t know what’s going to happen – and if you can develop a curiosity about each moment as it unfolds, life can be such a rich, fun experience - full of wonder and surprises, good and bad. </span></div><div style="color: black;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.empoweredjourney.com/uploads/3/0/3/9/3039229/1289250.jpg?478" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://www.empoweredjourney.com/uploads/3/0/3/9/3039229/1289250.jpg?478" width="320" /></a></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14pt;">The last thing which really spoke to me tonight and also in a few other experiences this past weekend is the idea that life is not a race to the finish or an exercise regimen to be mastered. Rather the opportunity is simply to go deeper and experience more of the fullness of each given moment. In Ajaraj Yoga class, the objective of more advanced practice is not to perfect the sequence of asanas but rather to go deeper into the felt experience of them – to really sink into the physical, emotional, and spiritual energy that emerges as you do them. In Buddhism, the point is not the be the “Good Buddhist,” the teacher’s pet, or the perfect meditator – rather it is to approach every moment with mindfulness, experiment with the teachings in your life, and see what is true in your direct experience. </span></div><div style="color: black;"><br />
</div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14pt;">I even went to a talk today on female sexuality today in which the speaker shared that her definition of female orgasm has nothing explicitly to do with climax – rather it is for women to lose themselves in sensation and experience every feeling that emerges in a moment of connection with another - sounds familiar, right? Biodanza hits on this as well with the idea of vivencia – or the vividly felt experience – the point of Biodanza is not to do the moves right or be the perfect partner – rather, it is to experience life fully – to let our words fall away (for most of the class) and be present for the adventure that unfolds in class each week – moment by moment. There is some definite synergy between these different activities – and I am excited to see what possibilities emerge as I continue to center my life on them!</span></div><div style="color: black;"><br />
</div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14pt;">To close for this evening, I want to share a quote / voiceover from Grey’s Anatomy (Episode 5.21, courtesy of the Know Thyself blog) spoken by Izzie after her unexpected marriage to Alex Karev when she is supposedly dying of cancer, which really speaks to me about the serendipitous nature of life:</span></div><div style="color: black;"><br />
</div><div style="color: black;"><i><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14pt;">Opening:</span></i><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14pt;"></span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14pt;">(Izzie) <b>You never know the biggest day of your life is going to be the biggest</b>. The days you think are going to be big ones, they’re never as big as you make them out to be in your head. It’s the regular days. The ones that start out normal. Those are the days that end up being the biggest. And today was the wedding. It was beautiful. Perfect.</span></div><div style="color: black;"><br />
</div><div style="color: black;"><i><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14pt;">Closing:</span></i><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14pt;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.popcrunch.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/izzie-and-alex-married-on-greys-anatomy-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://www.popcrunch.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/izzie-and-alex-married-on-greys-anatomy-2.jpg" width="160" /></a></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14pt;">(Izzie) You never know the biggest day of your life is the biggest day. Not until its happening. <b>You don’t recognize the biggest day of your life. Not until you’re right in the middle of it.</b> The day you commit to something or someone… The day you get your heart broken. The day you meet your soul mate. <b>The day you realize there’s not enough time… because you want to live forever</b>. Those are the biggest days. The perfect days. </span></div><div style="color: black;"><br />
</div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14pt;">_____</span></div><div style="color: black;"><br />
</div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14pt;">As I am discovering more and more these days, life is an adventure – full of ups and downs and unexpected turns – <b>Enjoy It!</b></span></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05640216604711387118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5713923983263425557.post-3147755752891889952011-06-03T17:59:00.000-07:002011-12-09T01:54:24.101-08:00The Physics of the Quest - on Life's Lessons and Opportunities<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lajwEIizFHc/TuFgxJbfBbI/AAAAAAAAAGg/TIznsKFY_0Q/s1600/Chris+and+Kimberly+Devils+Lake.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="134" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lajwEIizFHc/TuFgxJbfBbI/AAAAAAAAAGg/TIznsKFY_0Q/s200/Chris+and+Kimberly+Devils+Lake.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Ten years ago today, my ex-husband and I went on a day hike together and transitioned from being friends to having a romantic connection. We later counted that day as our dating anniversary and went through numerous trials and tribulations together during our years of dating, marriage, separation, and eventually divorce. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Ten years later, I had a pivotal lunch today with a colleague who will be heading up our new Advising Center on campus and feel a sense of wonder and excitement about the direction that my life is now taking as a divorced, single woman – our upcoming transition into this new center may turn out to be exactly the opportunity and turning point for which I have been yearning. Ten years ago, today signified an important beginning in my life, and I have a feeling that later on I will look back and reflect that today signified an important beginning in my life as well - the start of a wonderful new working relationship.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">This past week, I have been reflecting on the many different perspectives through which we as individuals can view our lives. A seemingly small event or introduction can someday turn out to have a much larger significance. And, even an entire relationship can later be seen as part of a much larger arc.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://i43.tower.com/images/mm101709459/finding-right-one-after-divorce-avoiding-13-common-edward-tauber-paperback-cover-art.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://i43.tower.com/images/mm101709459/finding-right-one-after-divorce-avoiding-13-common-edward-tauber-paperback-cover-art.jpg" width="130" /></a></div>This past weekend, as I re-read <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Finding-Right-One-After-Divorce/dp/0736919368" target="_blank"><u>Finding the Right One After Divorce: Avoiding the 13 Common Mistakes People Make in Remarriage</u></a> (by Edward Tauber and Jim Smoke), I saw clearly for the first time how my lack of healing from my divorce and my overall developmental needs contributed to my getting into and staying in a difficult relationship with my ex-boyfriend. Because I am still mastering the art of being alone, I have been going through life continually looking for someone to rescue and take care of me – my mother, my ex-husband, my transitional partner, and now my ex-boyfriend. I have not had the necessary foundation to form a healthy, non-codependent relationship. I have also not fully developed my discernment and confidence to vocalize my needs – to fully assert my solar plexus and third eye chakras – thus, as I mentioned in previous entries, I have been staying in situations that are not right for too long in order to avoid rejecting others or hurting people’s feelings.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">None of this makes me a bad person – and I am not the only person in the world who has developmental tasks or challenges that they need to address along their life journey towards self-actualization. My observation is that some people encounter obstacles early in life and use it as an opportunity to grow – if they are lucky like me, someone or something in their life stands in their way and they are able to extract lessons from it. Other people manage to go through their early life on autopilot and encounter their difficulties in mid-life – when something finally triggers them to start examining their life, their relationships, and their behaviors. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://goodnewsrev.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/challenge-winding-road.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="139" src="http://goodnewsrev.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/challenge-winding-road.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Almost everyone whom I’ve met in Biodanza or meditation seems to have been drawn to that path by encountering one of the basic realities of life – suffering, impermanence, or disappointment – through the death of a parent or child, divorce, coming to grips with aging, health problems, etc. We can choose to be angry and hateful about these turn of events, but I like to think of these realities as blessings and opportunities – to see the truth, clarify who we are, and grow. When I look at my life as a larger journey, I do not regret a single experience – because they have all helped to shape the person who I am today and the person whom I am slowly but surely becoming.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">These ideas have clear applications for career development work as well. When I graduated from college, I accepted a job offer at Procter & Gamble and went to work for them in their market research department. As a high achieving student with multiple majors, minors and certificates, a top notch GPA, and a successful internship under my belt, I figured that I could do no wrong – and I had very little idea of what my true preferences and talents were. I had taken numerous career assessments and flat-lined most of them – for example, my Myers Briggs test results put me right in the middle on every attribute except the E-I dimension – I knew I was extraverted, but that was about it. I had earned a Bachelor’s degree in both Psychology and Economics and had earned 5’s on the AP Calculus, Microeconomics, and History exams in high school – i.e. I was able to succeed at just about any topic in school if I applied my full effort and mental acumen towards it.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>It wasn’t until I got into my full-time role at P&G with a highly detail-oriented, STJ (Sensing, Thinking, Judging) manager and started to fail miserably at my job that my true preferences emerged. I recall sitting in a meeting with our senior manager and having her tell me, “Kimberly, I see the issue here – you strongly prefer F (Feeling) and P (Perceiving) and everyone else here strongly prefers T (Thinking) and J (Judging)." To my strongly STJ colleagues, my speaking and writing patterns seemed highly disorganized, scattered, and off-topic and my desire to make a difference and serve others rather than make money and increase profits did not make sense to them. That manager saw my inner strengths and potential and ultimately helped me to transition from that job at Procter & Gamble into an unprecedented opportunity to be an outplacement client through Right Management Associates (for which I will forever be grateful). </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MnYy8kdKKMg/TuFkLjV_WII/AAAAAAAAAGo/eHII0F8vVYY/s1600/screen-001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MnYy8kdKKMg/TuFkLjV_WII/AAAAAAAAAGo/eHII0F8vVYY/s400/screen-001.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>Still, the important lesson that I learned there – and emphasize with students and clients – is that it was through failure and making mistakes that I was finally able to see clearly who I am – an educator and motivator who prefers ENFP (Extroverted, Intuition, Feeling, and Perceiving). Sometimes we have to fall down in order to pick ourselves up and get ourselves on the path that we were supposed to be on in the first place – towards our true calling(s), towards our life partner(s), towards the experiences that are waiting for us to discover.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_bAS0ch9_BLc/TAhupdgFKcI/AAAAAAAAADQ/KYC3pFO74Ys/s400/eat-pray-love-movie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="139" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_bAS0ch9_BLc/TAhupdgFKcI/AAAAAAAAADQ/KYC3pFO74Ys/s200/eat-pray-love-movie.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Over Christmas break this past year, I watched the movie version of the book <u>Eat, Pray, Love</u> with my parents and was really inspired by the quote / voiceover that Julie Roberts shares at the end of the movie. As I continue on my current path through life, I feel this quote really fits with what I’ve discovering about life – and what I’ve attempted to capture in this post. If you haven’t seen the movie yet, I encourage you to take time to do so!</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">"...I've come to believe that there exists in the universe something I call 'The Physics of The Quest'" - a force of nature governed by laws as real as the laws gravity or momentum. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">And the rule of Quest Physics maybe goes like this: </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">If you are brave enough to <b>leave behind everything familiar and comforting</b> (which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments) and set out on a truth-seeking journey (either externally or internally), and </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">if you are truly willing to <b>regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue</b>, and </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">if you <b>accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher</b>, and </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">if you are prepared - most of all - to<b> face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself</b>...</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">...then <b>the truth will not be withheld from you</b>. Or so I've come to believe."</span></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05640216604711387118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5713923983263425557.post-72503278836528856902011-05-27T23:41:00.000-07:002011-12-08T17:08:46.257-08:00On the Middle Way - Love, Detachment, and a Few Chakras Mixed In<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><style>
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<div class="MsoNormal"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.adsinusa.com/p/3804/3804m23541b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://www.adsinusa.com/p/3804/3804m23541b.jpg" width="130" /></a></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">This evening, I tried <a href="http://www.empoweredjourney.com/index.html" target="_blank">Dynamic Chakra Dance Meditation</a> with Eka Joti at the Hanuman Center for the first time – a movement-oriented exploration of the seven key chakras of the body and beyond – the Base/Root (Strength) chakra, the Sacral (Sensual) chakra, the Solar Plexus (Power) chakra, the Heart (Tenderness) chakra, the Throat (Playful) chakra, the Third Eye (Concentration) chakra, and the Crown (Fullness) chakra. Basically, we spent the evening free form dancing to music and experiencing each of those seven themes fully in the body – I really enjoyed it. It took me back to being in elementary school and coming home on Friday nights to put on records and dance in my basement.</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">As we moved through the heart center, Eka had us send out love and tenderness to someone in our life, and I found myself dedicating the practice to my ex-boyfriend, as I have dedicated many similar practices in the past few weeks – yoga classes, metta (Lovingkindness) meditations, etc. Despite my absolute certainty and conviction that leaving him and moving on to the next phase of my life is what I need to do, I still feel a great deal of love for him and want the best for him – the thought of him suffering or feeling pain makes me feel sad. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">My hope is that this transition will continue to inspire him to grow and change as he seems to be doing. Once that has happened, my hope is that someday he will meet someone new who will love him with the intensity and deep passion that he deserves and desires. I also hope that he will first grow comfortable being by himself alone as I am attempting to do (be comfortable by myself) on my own growth path. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">It is difficult for me to hold that tenderness and care for him in my heart while also holding the resolve and strength that is needed to keep us apart and maintain our separation. In the Dynamic Chakra Takra class, we avoided holding more than one chakra at the same time – making sure to finish one chakra and be still before moving on to the next. Yet, real life sometimes asks to hold more than one chakra or emotion-state at one time – even conflicting states.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://johngarratt.com.au/app/webroot/images-thumbs/9781590302262.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://johngarratt.com.au/app/webroot/images-thumbs/9781590302262.jpg" /></a></div><span style="font-size: small;">In <a href="http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Fall-Apart-Difficult/dp/1590302265" target="_blank"><u>When Life Falls Apart</u></a>, Pema Chodron talks a lot about the “Middle Way” - about not hardening into any one state. She encourages us to stay with the chaos rather than hardening into resentment, anger, righteousness, etc. There is also much talk in Buddhism about sending love out to everyone in the world, even your enemies or people with whom you have difficult relationships – wishing that they too can experience the healing and peace that you are having in the moment. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_YcbuIlkRqLk/S8J-5dCdHuI/AAAAAAAAAA4/y3S9VJm1ccA/s1600/P4180571.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_YcbuIlkRqLk/S8J-5dCdHuI/AAAAAAAAAA4/y3S9VJm1ccA/s200/P4180571.JPG" width="142" /></a></div><span style="font-size: small;">The challenge for me right now is to aspire to send my LovingKindness and goodwill out to him from afar while not getting hooked back in and losing the important ground that I have gained by moving on and gaining freedom from our relationship. I can love him while detaching myself from him in order to ensure that my needs for security, space, and serenity are met and continue to be met from now on. I need to maintain my strength and be rooted in my truth (i.e. that he is not the life partner for me) without sacrificing my vulnerability and compassion and relying a “staff” of rigidity to hold me on my path. </span></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05640216604711387118noreply@blogger.com0